It's Wednesday morning and I'm at school again. You know something, it doesn't ever feel like I'm anywhere else. Like there are these little pockets of time where I'm with Rob. Or at home. Or anywhere other than here. But I never truely notice them. And somehow, I always wind up back here.

It used to be that way back in high school as well. I was always in math class. The class I hated the most because I never understood anything in it. I'd be sitting there and go "well, I'm here again". It's like that now. Whenever I stop and take a look around, I'm at school. Blah. I'll even be here this summer since I can't find anywhere to work. Depressing.

I'm in such a weird mood this morning. Very tired and I kind of feel like I'm in a dream or sleep walking. Everything is hazy. Maybe it's a lack of sleep. Or the mass amount of Midol I'm taking to ease the pain I've been having. Either way it's weird and I probably won't even remember writing this later today. But the point is, that I'm in a weird mood. Which I guess is a good thing because I've been kind of depressed recently.

Since I started taking the steroid inhalers again I've been eating less, doing a lot of Slim Fasts, and getting in exercise. None of it is helping. Even with all of this the steroids are putting weight on me. But without them, I wheeze badly. I'm beginning to think that I should just stop the inhalers and deal with the hospital trips to the ER for my asthma. I need to lose some weight. Badly. The next time I see my allergist I'm going to talk to him about this. If I have to stay on the inhalers in order to live then maybe I'll go to one of those clinics where they staple your stomach so you can't eat anything. That has to work, right? Wow, I never thought I would say this, but I would sell my soul to lose 100 pounds right now. I'm sick of being large. I want to look the way I did when I started college. Thin and pretty. I miss being pretty. Everytime I look in the mirror I see someone I don't even know looking back at me. When did I get this huge and repulsive?

Okay, enough depressive talk for now. I should probably see a shrink or something, but my insurance doesn't cover it so I just need to deal. I think I'll go take another quiz. I'm bored and have about a half hour left before I need to log off and head to my first two classes.