Well, I went down to the computer people on the lower campus (and now I'm in massive pain, am sweaty, and stinky from getting down there and back up the hill) and they checked out my disks. Nothing can be done with them. Everything on them is gone. Finals are in a week. There is no way I can get everything together for 4 classes in one week. It's not possible even if I don't sleep. So my choice right now is to fail my classes or drop out of them. Guess which one I'm choosing.

Wednesday morning I'll go into the office and tell them my situation. At that point with my signature, everything I've worked for this semester disappears. I'll get a W in all of my classes. Which also means I won't be able to graduate on time. My parents have just paid for a semester that's worth nothing. And I don't know if they'll be willing to pay for any more of this after Wednesday. So chances are that everything I've worked my ass off for in the past few years will mean nothing. I need a job and I need one bad guys. If you know of ANY available openings let me know. I have a BFA from USC in cinema and a bit of law school under my belt. I'm not great with computers, but I can easily be trained. Then only thing I can't do is hard labor. And that's because with the way my back is now I can barely walk.

Funny how in the blink of an eye your whole life can change. One minute everything is going perfect and for the first time in a long time you're happy and feel like your life is finally on track. The next minute everything comes crumbling down around you. To be honest, I've never been very depressive before. I am now. I honestly just want to die. The only thing keeping me from doing something very stupid right now is Rob. I know he loves me and would be in a very bad way if something happened to me. Plus I promised him that I would marry him and always be by his side and there's no way I'm breaking that promise. The only thing that's getting me through this right now is Rob. So, when you read this sweetie - thank you. I owe you ... everything.

I need to get out of this lab. I feel like I'm going to explode. I need to scream.