There are times when I really hate my life. Now is one of those times.

I was sitting in one of my classes today hearing people talk about what they're going to do after law school. And that's when I realized that I'm a pathetic loser with no hopes of finding a career.

People were talking about their job offers and how they weren't sure if they would accept or not. I kept thinking to myself that if I had a job offer, /any/ job offer for after graduation that I'd take it in a heartbeat. They were also talking about their interviews and several students were all decked out in suits for their on campus interviews. I've sent out resume after resume and haven't gotten one interview. Not one. And this year is the same as last, absolutely no one wanted to interview me at an on campus interview. I can't even get regular interviews.

Last summer I couldn't even get an interview for volunteer work. And now my fear has come true, I'm having no luck in finding a paying job for after graduation either. If I can't get an interview, how can I get a job? And it's not for lack of trying either. I've sent out tons of resumes, I've bugged contacts to try and hook me up with something, and I've even posted on here in hopes of someone knowing someone who would at least see me in an interview. All of that for nothing.

When I graduated from college I spent FOUR YEARS trying to get a job. At least then I got interviews. But even with all of the interviews I got I never got one offer for employment. And so I decided that it must be because I had a degree in cinema and needed a "real" degree to get a job. So I went to law school. And now it's even worse, at least before law school I had interviews.

I'm getting married soon. I'm going to be someone's wife. Maybe have kids. I need to have a career. I need to be responsible and go out there and work. But how can I when all I do is hit dead ends? How can I get a job if no one will even grant me an interview? What is everyone doing with my resumes? Lighting them on fire or something?

I keep thinking back to when I was a kid and my Dad would be really mad at me about something. He would call me "worthless". I know he didn't mean it and I know he was just saying it because he was mad at me and all, but it still makes me think. And the more I think about it, the more I think he was right whether he knew it or not. I am worthless. I can't seem to do anything right. I don't know, maybe I'm just an idiot or something.

I feel so horrible about all of this. Not just because it sucks to not be able to find a job, but also because of my parents. Through it all they have supported me financially. And they're paying for my law school tuition so that I won't be in debt when I get out. Did I just waste all of that money on something that will merely look pretty hanging on my wall? It's a wonder they still support me emotionally and financially. I'm amazed they haven't disowned me for being a disappointment as a daughter. But through it all they're there for me. They're even paying for the entire wedding. I don't get why they do these things for me - I really don't deserve it. But I do appreciate it.

Oh well, at least I have something good in my life. At least I have parents and a fiance who are still by my side even though I have no useful function in this world and probably never will.

It's really frightening to admit, but I'm the prime example of "a waste of space and air". Sometimes having self preservation instincts sucks.