The outraged director of online education for a for-profit higher education institution has this to say about the University of Phoenix’s practice of co-opting web search results for other institutions:

“We are a pimple on the back of a flea's butt that sits on the big University of Phoenix dog. We are small."

Maybe if they didn’t refer to themselves as a blemish on a blood-sucking insect’s ass, they would have more success in marketing.

Lottery winner, on informing his family of his good fortune: “He said they had assumed he was going to reveal a terminal illness, multilevel marketing scheme or a wedding engagement.” In descending order of goodness?

Books: The Wonder Spot by Melissa Bank. Sophie Applebaum is a river, a small one, nothing too ambitious, nothing too rapid. She slides past friends and family, watching as they remain on the muddy banks while she moves on, never stopping for long with any one of them. She eddies into pools on occasion, swirling around a lover or a childhood acquaintance, but always flowing on. There is Eric and Ian and Seth, Bobby Guest (“He’s a bad one. Everybody has a Bobby Guest story.”) and Neil. Sophie can be quietly witty, but can’t get up to get to work on time, can’t settle on a career, can’t seem to keep any constants in her life other than her brothers. While it was pleasant enough drifting along with her for a while, I will not be able to remember any more of this than I do of the author’s previous book “A Girl’s Guide to Hunting and Fishing”. [I posted this as a review on Amazon, so technically it's their property now. It would seem their lawyers were feeling especially acquisitive the day they drafted that clause.]