Which is sadder - that Scooter is going to do time in the Big House, or that a grown man still goes by the name Scooter? Will his first jailhouse tats read:
"F U C K" "D I C K" across his knuckles? Does he have the complete boxed set of HBO's Oz on his Amazon wish list? Are conjugal visits from Ann Coulter going to be his payment for not ratting out his boss? Is he going to be sentenced to serve his time in Building 18 at Walter Reed?

Hey Chris - if you were REALLY playing hardball, these are the questions you'd be asking.