You know the line about “first prize, a week’s vacation in X, second prize, TWO weeks’ vacation in X”? I tend to enter lots of contests, usually if it doesn’t require a lot of effort, or if it involves something I’d be buying anyway. I keep hoping although, like most people, I seldom win. Still, I look and I dream.

Yesterday’s newspaper had an ad for what seems like one of the cheapest wimpiest contests I’ve seen in a while. Figures it’s Safeway, right? Safeway is not my friend; Safeway is a store I really dislike. I’ve disliked it since the 70s when I moved to California and they were a major target of the farmworkers who were trying then to organize. Farmworkers won, Safeway never did rehab its reputation.

I shop there because they are THE closest to the house and many days that matters. Today for example, it was in the 30s and I simply didn’t have the oomph to scoot the additional 3 blocks to the other store. Besides, sometimes Safeway has good loss leader sales.

But back to this ad and the contest: Safeway is apparently somehow involved in sponsoring the US Figure Skating Championships. They’re in Spokane, WA in a few weeks. I’ve been to nationals, once and it still rates as one of the most exciting, enjoyable trips I ever took. Those of you who know skating will get why when I say “it was the Galindo year”. It was the year Rudy Galindo took the men’s title. It was a great time. I spent a week watching breathing eating sleeping figure skating.

So Safeway’s got this contest right? Okay so the big winner (the “gold medal winner”) gest what you would imagine, tickets to all the events. In fact two tickets to all the events. That’s great because for the junkie like me that’s 3 levels (novice, junior, senior) that’s 4 disciplines (men, women, pairs and dance) and rehearsals and the exhibition show-offy stuff and oh my god it’s pure heaven for the junkie. Two all-event tickets oh wow. And clothes – a “gift pack” of “apparel” so you know, like a sweatshirt with the logo on it and such. It’s the second and third rank prizes that suck big time.

Okay, I think, I do, that the second tier win might include say, all the vent finals. OR say the ladies finals plus the “exhibition skating. I mean if you’re going to schlep to Spokane, you need an incentive, I would say, to spend the money in terms of hotel and transportation, not to mention food and such. I’m not saying anything about Spokane – never been there, and im not being a snot. It’s just that unless yo live in Spokane, it’s quite an investment to go to see this stuff. So I think that the “silver medal” prize of “two tickets to the men’s free skate final” is cheesy as hell. Okay, it includes two hooded sweatshirts. Zowie. You’d NEED them probably to keep warm on the train or the car. JUST the men’s final? Big whoop.

IThe men’s free skate late on a Saturday afternoon is a big $85. If you wanted all four event finals, it would be worth an overnight stay since all four are Friday and Saturday. The whole damn thing – the all event package is only $498. But the men’s free skate – well you’d probably need to stay over Saturday night. But all you get is the men’s free skate.

The men’s event is not nearly as popular as the women’s event, even given the relative meagerness of the current women’s field. Hell, the women’s final even cost more than the mens and there aren’t a lot of fabulous women skaters this year, I gotta say. But hey, it’s free. Apparently there are still lots of tickets for lots of the events so maybe you could core tickets for pairs and dance. The exhibition is sold out.

But then there’s the real cheap job. The “bronze medal winner” which offers two tickets to the men’s short program. Which is mid-afternoon on a weekday. $45 and a “limited edition souvenir trading pin set”.

They couldn’t come up with an evening performance? How many people can get free for 2 pm mid week to drag their asses to Spokane for a few hours. And given the costs again, would it be worth it? Sure if you live there and you’re a serous fan, I suppose. But serious fans get all the tickets.

It just seems weird and uninteresting. The ad does not mention ANYthing about other costs being covered. The ad after all is only if you use her stupid Safeway card to buy their fancy products – then you’re “entered for a chance to win” but whose idea was this. Is the men’s short that hard to sell? It’s just so damn chintzy. It’s like you win this hotel stay. You get to pay airfare, taxes, tips, transport to and from the airpot and food but hey! You get a free room for a night.

I don’t know why this bugs me so much but it just seems so uninspired an offer and I can see so many people being so burned to learn that, as I suspect anyway (of course the ad didn’t say where your seats are) all they really get is a couple seats in the nosebleed territory and everything else is on them to pay for. I suppose I could “see store for official rules” but that too is cheap of them. There was room for more information in the ad but they clearly don’t really care to tell people anything. It’s listless if that makes sense – they don’t really care if you enter, if you know about it, if you want to go.

It will be one of the least enthralling National Championships in recent times, I think. It’s not just because Sasha isn’t there but because there’s no one really hot in any category. I watch for more than the winners. And the line-ups strike me as pretty flat. But still, if I were to enter a contest, I’d want them to offer serious prizes. These are weenie at best.