Continuing directly from the last blog post:

C) “Please put me on a panel with my friend/please let us do this panel we did at another convention.”
It’s cool that you have found an idea for a program that works. However, program organizers have an obligation to offer the best program we can. That tends to mean not repeating, not giving them what they just saw. Not everyone, of course, goes to every convention. But there’s a certain overlap - those who attend Bouchercon, go to Left Coast. Or Malice. That means at times that they saw a program in October that is being offered again in February. Or April. Or they see one in June that shows up in October. This isn’t good – it’s unprofessional and lazy. While we all agree (we do don’t we?) that there are some “road show” panels (those that are offered every year, because they are basic, standard and always create discussion), you still have to mix it up. Even if you do the same or a very similar program, at least you must have different panelists. Do you see why? Because if I was at Bouchercon and saw X panel, I won’t go to it at Left Coast. Ok, if it was the damn funniest thing in the world, yeah, maybe – and we know they exist. But how likely is that? I’m probably going to say instead “I saw that one already” or “I paid good money to come here so I want to get the most out of it” and I’ll got to the other program.

You have to give it a rest, a break. Wait a year, then offer it again. And don’t hang with your friends all the time. I know you give good panel with them because you know their work and their jokes. SO DOES THE AUDIENCE and they’ll stop coming because they’ve HEARD YOU*. Some of you will draw a crowd, abso-fraggin-lutely, by reading the phone book. But it’s really really better to move away from your comfort zone panel and try to do something new. (*Speaking as someone who attended at least 50 performances of the Flying Karamazov Brothers and knows some of their older lines better than they do….)

Some years back I moderated a panel and the person next to me rolled his eyes when one of the other panelists began talking. “I was on a similar panel with her back at [a previous] convention” the person told me. “She told the same story then. I will bet you the next thing she says Is this” and she proceeded to do so. She apparently had her shtick, her anecdotes, and this was where she was comfortable and this was, sadly, all she had. It’s a bad idea to keep doing that.

D) Don’t bully or badmouth convention committee members, past, present or future. We talk to each other. Not all of us and not all the time, but I’ve had people say nasty things about people I work with, I’ve had people come across as The Biggest Ego This Side of the Pecos, and I’ve had people try to get me to do what I’ve said I won’t do by sending their publicist, editor, agent to convince me. This refers to The Edgar Winner I blogged about on December 11.

E) If the program organizer says “please don’t do this” then please DON’T DO IT. If I say please don’t send promotional materials, I don’t have time to read them, then don’t send promotional materials. We’re back to “it can’t hurt” territory. If you’re asked to send a bio of a certain length, send a bio of a certain length. Don’t be lazy and expect us to cut it. We will, but wouldn’t you rather ensure we say what you think is important? And why is it okay to make extra work for (say it with me now brothers and sisters) the volunteers?) Why would you send 250 words when you are asked to send something less than half that length? I know, that’s what editors are for but do you really do that to your editor too? If your editor says, I dunno, “cut 50,000 words, do you cut 10,000 and expect all will be well?

If someone asks you to number your choices 1- 5, please do so. It makes it easier, and honest to god, not doing so makes it harder. There are 200 people, remember, all wanting to be part of something. Those who pick a certain topic as their #1 choice make it clear to the program person that this is The One they most want and that HELPS. If you don’t designate, then you have the 1s, the 2s, the 3s the 4s and the 5s and then this one and we don’ t know what to do with this one. If that program idea has only a few people who want it, you’re in luck. If however that program has FIFTY people who want to be on it, of whom FOURTEEN marked it as their first choice, where does “I don’t’ care” fit in?

F) If you don’t want to be on a particular program, even if a friend or the program organizer has asked you to do it, DON’T DO IT. Your lack of interest, lack of knowledge, preparation, your boredom, will show. And it’s an insult to the program person who’s worked really hard to make you look good and who wants you to look good. Even if a friend says “be on my panel please?” if you’ve done it three times before, or you’re not going to enjoy it/be enthusiastic, you really must pass on it. The baffling willingness of people to take bad/inappropriate programs makes everyone look lousy. And there’s no reason for it – most often something else will come up and most of us will work like mad to make something work for you. Your friend will understand too, or should; if it’s a question of your friend’s nerves, do something rare, attend the program. Sit in the audience. Too many program participants don’t seem to bother attending other programs; they’re for you too. You might enjoy it and learn something like the rest of us. And your friend will be so happy to spot you in the audience; maybe you’ll ask a great question during the Q&A at the end that will bring attention to you or her or him.

Don’t wait until the last minute, especially to suggest topics/ideas for program. Share them EARLY. Don’t wait until six weeks out and then write to say “I want to be on program here’s my idea”. In fact don’t wait until six weeks out. If it’s that important to you to be on convention program, then JOIN early and make sure they know your interest. CHECK the website of the convention for information FIRST BEFORE emailing “how do I get on program?” Maybe there’s a form there, or a specific contact. You can ask, honest you can. Don’t wait around expecting someone to know magically that you want to be on program; again maybe some conventions automatically contact every author though I don’t know of any specifically. We’re not mind readers NOR do we know every author. LOOK for information and if you don’t get it, ask. And don’t expect if you join six or eight weeks out that you’ll get prime or even good programs. There are print deadlines, there are moderators who need to prepare. There are convention staff who are getting very tired and are not waiting around until PANIC sets in to do their jobs. They need to hear from you EARLY.

By the same token, don’t say “sure whatever” or (back to letter A) “I don’t care what program you put me on just put me on something” because for one thing, no one is THAT good that they can speak about any topic at a convention. I’m not saying you aren’t knowledgeable – of course you are and oh please, let’s hear it! Let’s not just hear about your book, but let’s hear what you know or think. If you know small towns, even if you write gritty big cities, talk small town. Go to the small town panel and ask the panelists something that’s always made you think. If you now write historical religious based mysteries but have a background in something that would really kick ass on a discussion of thrillers, DO IT. BE INTERESTING. Maybe someone will say “you don’t write thrillers you write the books about that monk” and you get to explain, or say “well yeah but back when I was with the CIA” or “I love traveling to monasteries”. The more flexible you are, the more valuable you are to program folks AND the more likely it will be that in two years, after your fifth convention you won’t find yourself dreading your panel appearance because you are SO talked OUT about “religion in the historical mystery” blah blah. If the program person says “er, um, why would you want to be on the thriller panel” stand up for yourself and TELL him. Expand your horizons; it will make you more interesting. The more interesting you are, the more likely it is that you will garner positive attention.

Whatever you do, please don’t say “Put me on anything. It doesn’t matter what it is.” YES IT DOES MATTER. That statement is at the very least inconsiderate and maybe rude. Do you get that? Do you see why? Because you’ve just said “all your work doesn’t matter, all the hours putting the topics together and the people together is worthless”. No you can’t be on any program; there are things you simply don’t know. There are tons of things I don’t know – it’s one reason I create and attend programming, so I can find stuff out. “Put me on anything” or the related suggestion to “just take everyone who doesn’t have a program and put them together” results in flabby, uninteresting, dull, vague, meaningless and pointless programming. As a friend once called it, the “Orts and Scraps panel” of 4 unrelated authors CAN work in a lot more generic and general setting where you don’t have a lot of choices, or a lot of people. Mystery convention members deserve better.

Don’t say “my friend told me I could be on this panel”. Your friend most likely didn’t have that authority. I’ve had people tell me this and learned later that the friend had said “why don’t you see about getting on this panel I’m on, it might work for you” which is not the same thing.

Don’t mishear your publisher. If your publisher says “it would be good if you went to this convention, maybe you could be on program, why don’t you look into that?” don’t tell me “my publisher told me I had to come to your convention and that I would be on a panel.” Don’t say “why can’t you add me to a panel” when I’ve made it clear that I am not going to add you to a panel; there’s a basic fairness to things. If all the programs involve four panelists and a moderator, then I’m not going to put you on as a fifth panelist; it’s not fair and I don’t have the energy, time or desire to then explain why THAT panel gets to be the exception. (never mind that those five panelists just got shorted to some extent as everyone now has less time to talk.)

G) DON’T INSIST ON PRIME TIME. Everyone wants programs in the middle of the convention; in the middle of Friday and Saturday. Not every program can go there. If you have to take an early plane, or you can’t get to the convention until Friday night, of course we understand, but it’s impossible to put everyone in an ideal program slot.

By the same token, asking not to be put opposite the “hot” panel or even the “hot autographing” stretches an organizer’s ability and patience. For one thing, there’s no way to know what is HOT. You might think something is huge and it turns out not to be; between the time the con is planned and it’s held, someone might win an award. One of the toughest jobs in program planning is guessing what the “big” panel will be and which room to put it in. Deciding what goes opposite that panel is a headache. Be fair – what do you really think can be done about it? We could offer single track programming, which would mean far fewer programs would be offered. We could make all the panels a half hour long so they’d fit. We could start at 7 in the morning and go until 9 and night. These are all improbable solutions but I use them to show you some of the challenges we deal with and I ask you – what would you have us do?

H) Please do not contact the program organizer with a request to ask a program participant about their books. This too happened – someone not attending the convention wished – for the absolutely BEST of reasons (being a fan of the author) to know why the author had no books out in several years and when something might be out and wished me to ask the author this question. I refused saying it was not polite, it could mean violating privacy - just because I have your email doesn’t mean I get to use it here, even if, as in this case, we are friends.) the person argued with me saying I had hinted that this was a wrong question and I said yes, I thought it was. I am not ever going to ask an author ”why don’t you have more books out” or “why haven’t you been published in five years?” I can ask that of a friend – maybe I’ve asked TWO people in my life – but NOT as a convention organizer. Do not put a program organizer in the position of “you’re right there, it doesn’t hurt to ask”. It might.

And at the same time, do NOT ask the convention or program organizer for the mailing list. Program participants, convention attendees provide contact information, I believe for purposes of that event. Period. That doesn’t give anyone the right to that information for any other reason BUT contact for the next convention. It’s like ordering something from a catalogue and finding out later the company sold/traded/gave your name to 15 other catalogue companies. That may be okay to you, but it offends the BLEEP out of me. My doing one thing does not give someone the right to invade my privacy – and yes, that’s how I see it. If you want to contact someone specific, sure, send the organizer an email saying “could you pass this on perhaps?” but don’t count on it. Just because I have someone’s contact info does not mean I will use it for ANYthing but the convention nor should I, even for a good reason. And no way will – or at least SHOULD - l a convention organizer provide the database to someone for any other purpose than, as I say, to next year’s convention committee. I believe that one year a convention gave the database to the charity they raised funds for – sorry, but even that violates the rules and should not happen.