There’s nothing one can say about a disaster that is new or even remotely helpful. Bridges falling, earthquakes, floods, crap happens and it all feels so trite trying to express yourself even when the feelings are heartfelt and true and real.

What happened yesterday made me go into drooling slack-jawed mode. I watched far too many hours of pointless 24-hour news. Pointless because after the first fucking hour, you know everything. Everything they know, you know. It will change but it’s endless repetitions of footage, official comments and pointless interviews. But I can’t turn it off, in case….in case what? Glued to the damn screen like I was for HOURS after the Bay Area “world series” quake, worried about countless friends, loves and acquaintances. Glued of course during September 11 and the aftermath. And WHAT? You just end up with a backache from sitting frozen, hunched over in one damn position to brace against the shock.

Minneapolis is one of my favorite cities. When Stu and I made up the list of “places to move to” back in ’89, the Sin Twitties were on that list. For seconds at a time. Realizing how insanely stupid it would be to move to a place MUCH colder and snowier than Boston (one reason we were leaving) despite having gobs of friends there and liking the culture, the food, the green space, we reluctantly scratched it off the list. (Besides, the Minnesota State Bird is the mosquito.)

But we still have gobs of friends there, primarily through our fairly extensive extended family of science fiction fans and writers. Some folks, like Emma and Will moved to LA and then Arizona. We don’t get to Minicon or any convention all that often so we don’t catch up with our friends but boy, it’s still one of the best places we know.

And thank god for that because the sf community is tech-friendly and knows to go to TOWN when things happen. When I saw the headline on the computer yesterday (I checked in at CNN.com, which I totally HATE since they made it more stupid-friendly) and raced to the tv. Then I raced back here to type in “Minneapolis science fiction fans” into “Google” and within like three clicks, found a LiveJournal where everyone was checking in and reporting in. It continued today as people got word from friends and family and asked after other people. It’s harder to scope out the mystery folks because that community has never taken to the net in the same way. Yeah, sure we communicate but I would bet there is no one place anyone is going to find out how people are. I sent a plea out on one list and emailed a couple folks but it’s piecemeal. Same thing when the Northridge quake happened; within an hour or two, there were places to go to see who had reported in, while when I actually called someone down in southern California a few days later (convention planning stuff) and asked if she knew how folks were, she hadn’t a clue – not that she didn’t care but there was no central site, no bookstore, or one line presence. Of course mystery is not chock full of nerds and computer wonks the way sf is; so many of the sf community go back decades at DEC or Microsoft or Wang, and were aware of and part of the net and the web and the computer world before most of us had heard of it. It’s not bad or wrong, just….different. And I admit to being really glad that I can scan a list of names all at once and breathe a little easier.

It’s stunningly scary to read just how many people have said “I drove across that bridge two hours before” or “I use that bridge every day” or “I’ve been using surface streets recently because of the traffic from the construction but I used to drive that bridge five days a week”. Gulp.

Everyone seems to be okay. Every time I say that (as I did after Northridge, and 9/11 and the bay area quake) I wonder about luck. Thanks to a lifetime spent in fandom, Stu and I know a LOT of people in a lot of places. Gulp.

I stopped watching after only a little while today because they're already in blame mode and "could it happen again" mode and "why wasn't this fixed" mode and i don't really happen to care. I am bridge-phobic (I'm sure there's a term for it but i don't care about that either). Like my friend bill who said years ago he didn't mind the bridge, he minded the edges, and it's not reasonable but it's a phobia so it is what it is. I lived in the east bay for 10 years and still had trouble driving over the bay bridge. This doesn't help but i just can't listen to how awful everything is and whose fault it is. I just want to hear that as many people as can be okay ARE okay.

Okay, breathe.

Damn it doesn’t help. I don’t LIKE being scared. And this shit is scary. Damn.