This is personal news about a friend but I promise you that before I wrote this and posted it, I went to her blog and saw that she had gone “public” (at least public in blogdom – I bet there’s a word for it) about this news so I am not breaking a confidence.

WARNING –I am about to slam half of the world’s population and I don’t really miean it. Exactly. . This is what we call hyperbole.

Okay?

Okay.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MEN?

Kay. Now, back to my inside voice.

I’m nuts about Harley Jane Kozak. Most of you know that. I was nuts about her long before we met; I fell in love with her in a movie and put her on this list (very short list, two names) of “actresses I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to meet someday because I think I’d really really like them and they are wildly talented and they steal movies from very talented people.” The film was “Parenthood” which had a lot of really good actors (and, ahhh, Keanu). What got me most in that film was the work by the intriguingly named Harley Jane Kozak.

Some time later, I was assisting Betsie with program planning for the 2004 LCC in Monterey, and I came across that name. She was interested in being on program. “Huh?” Sez I. And lo and behold, lookie, she has a book coming out. So I cheated and when I wrote to her, instead of just writing about the stuff she’d be doing, I wrote an omiGOD fan letter blathering along, saying “I probably should not be taking advantage of having your email but oh my. Is that you? I adore you.” Or something equally subtle and demure. (The other actress was in “The Big Easy”. Her name is Lisa Jane Persky and she played Remy’s partner.) (And get this - both Harley Jane and Lisa Jane appear in “When Harry Met Sally” which I did not know til I checked IMDB.)

I got to meet Harley in Monterey and have never stopped being a total fan of hers. I don’t know why we clicked, but we did, and it wasn’t because I’d sent her a mash note, er I mean fan letter. We just became instant friends. As a writer, she is a breath of fresh air, has a huge talent and a style I like very much. She’s sharp, witty, not coy, real and sensitive. Her work is often called “chick lit” but I don’t quite agree. Maybe that’s because I don’t READ chick lit but really it’s because Wollie doesn’t talk about shoes often enough.

As I’ve gotten to know Harley, I also love her honesty, her openness, her warmth and just about everything about her. (Her older daughter and I share a birthday too.) I know her well enough I think to know her strengths and maybe some of her weaknesses.

I’d stopped reading her blog (http://thelipstickchronicles.typepad.com/) a while ago – I just don’t keep up on blogs, even of my friends. So I had not known she was MIA on her blog in recent weeks. But when I wrote her last week about her publicist and getting a copy of the upcoming book for review AND her upcoming book tour and can we get together if you have time while you are here in Seattle, I got the news.

Harley’s husband came home last month and announced he wanted a divorce. They have 3 kids and have been married 9 ½ years. This SO FUCKING SUCKS as to be unbelievable and unacceptable and I’m just SO MAD for her. It’s just astonishing to me that men can be so….predictable? Selfish? Thought-free? DUMB???????

She’s got great support over on the blog and elsewhere, and is being very smart about handling all this. I am, as always, so impressed. I got to tell her “Stupid Husband” stories (no, NOT about Stu! I was married briefly in the 70s and Stu and I are not married.) because there are apparently some universal STUPID HUSBAND behaviors. I know another friend who could chime in with that one too. In fact another friend is closing in on divorce and SHE tells me that we know a third person in a similar state. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

All three women have been, I believe, married for a while, but can we get trite? It seems that the husbands in all three cases only started having issues when the three women were successful in getting published. Two of the three have been nominated for awards, all three have attended conventions and have discovered the mystery community and the world we inhabit, have found new friends, have traveled to conventions and award ceremonies and have gone on book tours. They are successful authors. Imagine. And suddenly their husbands don’t wanna anymore.

And now in the middle of his, Harley gets to go on a book tour and be up and on and to charm people and smile when her life just took a major major HIT.. I know she can do it, even if the timing is HUMONGOUSLY SUCKWORTHY.

In her blog post, Harley quoted that famous saying “When A Door Closes, Bash Through The Walls With A Sledgehammer”. Hear hear, my dear. You will make it through this, and we’ll ALL line up with sledgehammers to ensure it. Maybe we can buy 'em in bulk at Costco.

You deserve better.