No, in point of fact, there are no signs of Hanukkah anywhere. There were no cards when I looked last week, not even a token role of blue and silver gift wrap. Every single thing that can be red and green IS red and green despite being called “holiday wrap. Stu and I were wondering – what, Arbor Day? Flag Day? Bastille Day? Same ol, same ol’. I don't mind that much. It does give me a weird feeling though, being in this large minority of people who don’t celebrate Christmas. I’ve never gotten the overkill of it. I think it is mostly merchants but given the number of people who start putting up inflatable santas and Styrofoam candy canes WEEKS out, regular folks are to blame too. Gods I hate this time of year. The muzak alone would make Gandhi wanna whap someone. But it is time for the annual "Hanukkah is not a big deal holiday" presentation to folks who think it's a big deal holiday. It's short, don't worry. And you don't need it anyway.

Truth is, I am not ready at ALL, even for the token Hanukkah thingy. I hate when Hanukkah sneaks up on me like this. How RUDE. Because it’s based on a completely different calendar than the one we use (and please, don't ask, because there are extra days amd months thrown in and it’s really confusing. It’s 5768 in case you’re wondering. There will be an additional month in 2008. I think it will be called Melvin. Here’s a link if you’re curious - http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0777385.html)

Jewish holidays, as you probably know, begin at sundown. In 2005, wow, Hannukah began on Christmas – that was weird. Last year at least it was midmonth but it begins next week, on Tuesday sundown and ACK! I was taken by surprise by Thanksgiving this year, and that one always stays the same day at least. But Chanukah starts on the 25th day of Kislev

So I’ve got a WEEK. I um, blush, had a week plus about 3 days ago when I really started realizing that oh crap, I had gifts to get. I don’t have a large family – mom, my sister Pat are usually the ones I send gifts to. I like buying presents, really I do. I haven’t sent Howard much over the years, but I have thought about it (Howard’s my “step-dad”, my pseudofather). Howard and Mom married a couple years back and have never for a day lived together. He’s still amazingly alive – he’s had cancer for so long now, has had several kinds and is in a hospital facility but he’s surviving.

Howard a few years ago told me something I’d never known about him, that his favorite animal was the tiger. He just clicked with tigers years ago. Since he’s not the type to participate in whimsy, I don’t know of a single tiger-related thing in his life, but I filed it away. And then, in the Sunday paper, there was a full-page ad from the World Wildlife Fund. They let you “adopt” an animal and you get a kit – an adoption certificate, a toy, information on your animal you know. The Foster Kitty Fund. The Foster Penguin Program. Then you get letters from your chosen tiger every few months, thanking you for the scarf, you know, telling you about the school play.

So I went online and saw the many options and decided that Howard and Mom were worth $50 ($25 got you the adoption but not the toy and I wanted the toy for each of them). I’m not a huge fan of WWF, even though they are highly rated by Charity Navigator (use them if you want to know your money’s well spent – “charitynavigator.org”) because a while back, maybe 10 years, I got lured by a mailing, sent them like 10 bucks and oh-my-god, they would not stop sending me dreck. Nice dreck, calendars and such, but I am adamantly against using donations on crap like that. When I donate my freaking tiny amounts, I want them used to feed the walruses, or shelter the gerbils, not to mail me notecards and bumper stickers and even address labels. So I tried to make them stop. It was HELL. I wrote and called and wrote and called and finally appealed to the state attorney general’s consumer division to make them stop sending what were close to WEEKLY junk mailings (it probably wasn't but boy do i hate that junk). It took like a YEAR and I swore never to look their way again. And I knew it could happen again and I did not want to spend hours on the phone and writing letters and filing complaints. It’s minor but it is a huge huge irritant to me when I say “don’t send” and someone sends. But DARN what a cool deal they had! Surely we could work it out, right?

Ryan, who answered the phone, could NOT guarantee that I would be left off the lists. He said that he was just in the catalog division and well, I could simply contact them and tell them to stop sending stuff. Okay, I don’t want them sending stuff to me, or Howard or my mother. And he could not guarantee this. So WWF lost a $100 donation. And I went back on line and searched around for “tiger adoption” stuff. And while they are only 3 star rated, not 4 star, I found “Defenders of Wildlife” and for only $25, Howard’s adopted a tiger, and Mom’s adopted a snow leopard cub. My family is rather cat-oriented. I go for the monkeys and apes - gorillas, orangutans, you know. Not that I wouldn’t say no to a penguin or panda, or otter, or…well you get the picture. See Defenders Of Wildlife immediately said “oh yes, of course, there’s a box right here we check so you don't get stuff”. The guy there got it right away, and I’ll probably call back in a week but I felt better doing business with someone who at least got it and sounded like yes, he understood about databases and “do not send” lists.

So if you’re looking around for something cute, try www. WildlifeAdoption.org. They have 24 wild animals available. Cuuuuute.

Oh yeah and so while you’re on line, click “freerice.com”. It’s a vocabulary quiz AND a charity thingy! Wow.

Then of course there’s all the connected “click-for-free” places. They’ve redesigned the sites and it’s much faster now You can get there by clicking the link above that reads “Give free books” or the one about breast cancer. They have good gifts too, btw.

Or there’s http://www.care2.com/click2donate/ which provides even more opportunities.

And on it goes. If you have patience and time, try http://www.oneclickatatime.org/ as well.

Or how about “Nothing but Nets”. Buy a net. Help stop the spread of malaria. Cool huh? Nothingbutnets.net (of course!) $10 and you're in.

Over in the gifts department, I can’t offer the graphics most folks do but I’d like to suggest the following shopping tips in case you’re not done yet.

I’m heartbroken that the former website which sold FABULOUS cloth donuts no longer exists. BUMMER! I wanted a raspberry jelly filled one and a chocolate frosted!

William Spear is an amazing artist whose pin jewelry (http://wmspear.com/catalog.php) has to be seen to be believed. Very affordable, and the design ideas are astonishing. As he says, you’ve been looking for a good turnip pin forever, haven’t you?

Those of you who know my penchant for things that look like other things, things made out of other things will understand why I had to buy my sister some candles from http://www.doublebrush.com/generic24.html last year. The owner is super nice.

If you support cool art/craft, the local company Glassy Baby sells wonderful hand-blown candle holders which can be used as cups or other things. They come in 53 colors, seeral are designed to promote great causes, like the Hole in the Wall Gang (you know that one, right? Paul Newman’s camps for kids with serious illnesses?) (new one coming to our area!) or other causes. See glassybaby.com.

If like me, you’d like to honor the president who never was, or know a die-hard West Wing fan, Café Press has souvenirs from the Bartlet Presidential library.

Sandra Boynton is still going strong, and you can find a lot of her books, plush and jewelry at her site – sandraboynton.com. What, you don't need a “Philadelphia Chickens” bracelet?

Thinkgeek.com has lots of computer stuff – and TIMMY the ThinkGeek monkey mascot. Timmy Rocks!

Goreydetails.net has wonderful stuff by artist Edward Gorey. The jewelry page alone, if you are any fan of Gorey – the Ballerina Frolic Pin? The Doubtful Guest? oh swoon.

I have far too many websites bookmarked from Aardmarket.com to the fabulous Unemployedphilosophersguild.com (hurray we finally got a Susan B Anthony puppet!)

Stuffed Ark is probably the best soft toy store EVER. Not only do they have every sort of animal, but when they didn’t, they sent me to a competitor to find the endangered stuffed dodo I was searching for.

And Stu just found a brand new one – I’m going to make a fool of myself at Squishable.com. On three....one, two, three, AWWWWWWWW!

Thank you. Thankyouvermuch.