Oh.

My.

God.

Saying "there are no words" and then blathering on at length about something is really embarrassing and stupid. You need to, you MUST go see this movie. It is so brilliant.

Sean Penn is beyond amazing. I don't care who else will be nominated for an Oscar. He deserves every acting award there is for his portrayal. I said this about David Straithairn, who played Edward R Murrow in "Good Night, and Good Luck" and he didn't even get a fucking nomination.

But I was there.

And that was Harvey Milk.

Jesus. God. Sorry for the profane language. I don't have proper words for what I just experienced watching this film.

Have you ever watched a piece of your life? I mean not like I was a player, though I love love LOVE that my old friend Frank Robinson appeared in so many scenes of this movie. He was a major part of Harvey's life and I am immensely pleased that filmmaker Gus van Sant included him in this film. It honors us all, I believe, in trying to bring so much reality to the story. This is not a docudrama. This is real. This happened. I was part of it in a tiny small minuscule way, I was part of it. And it was a part of me. And still is a part of me.

I have a memory of someone I know (I'd credit her but the memory is not clear enough and I don't want to get it wrong) writing about what was then known only as the "Gay Pride Parade" and the question was asked "how many people were at the parade" and her answer was "if you weren't there, then there weren't enough." I agreed. I know, I know, marches, parades and demonstrations aren't what most of us/you do. But I believed then and now that when people are marching/demonstrating for their lives and their rights, you gotta be there. You gotta add to the count, be one of the crowd, be there for them as they would be there for you.

And I was. And I remembe Harvey one year on that car with the sign "I'm from Woodmere, New York", I remember it still.

I remember.

This was my life. On film. I was a nobody, a straight woman marching first with "straights for gays" then with friends I saw going by on the street. Then stopping and cheering, then seeing another friend and jumping on in with a hug and a kiss and joy. Oh god, the sheer joy of it. And I was a monitor. Just one year, but I was. These were my people, this was my cause too, I lived this.

I sat and sobbed through so much of this movie. And i am, three hours later, bursting into tears as i expect i shall be for some hours, even days to come. It hurts so very much, even now. THIRTY years later.

Have you ever watched a movie of your life? What was that like for you?

Oh.

My.

God.