Focusing on the Memorial for Stu that took place over two weeks ago has been difficult. So many people who loved Stu did so much to make it work. You'd think writing to say how much I appreciated it would be easy. It is easy for me to say "thank you". I guess what's stopping me is that every time I think of that afternoon, whoo boy. It's hard to think of that afternoon.

Here's where I say it. But first, let me offer to anyone who went or was there in spirit (and spirits - thank you Boskone attendees) - that I hope it helped you to deal with the loss of our wonderful friend and loved one. I said to someone shortly after the event that "Closure is bullshit". I didn't exactly mean it. I meant that for me it was bullshit. There is and was no closure. I hope really hard that there was for many of you. You need to move on with your lives, your own hardships and good times. I know you're not forgetting.

Also of course is the "I'm going to forget someone" which I wll. I wanted to put out a guestbook. I had bought one back in 2012 - a journal really - that I wanted to remember to leave with Stu so folks who visited could leave messages. I found it last Sunday. In a box with huh? Luke, I almost called you: "Hey,I found the guest book!" but well duh.

Thanks go beyond measure to Luke McGuff. Luke, you ahve been a steady friend and a major help in getting through both the years since Stu had the stroke and the time since he died. Julie, thank you too for feeding me, listening and loaning me your husband so often.

To Jean Weber, who changed her flight back home to Australia so that she could attend the event. (Yes, she wins the "longest trip to attend" prize, but she was actually here for Potlatch. That's okay.

To Jerry Kaufman for dealing with the music set-up, confusion and all. I saw there was a problem. I stayed away because kibbitzing would not have helped. And it was fixed.

To Valerie, another giving and sweet friend. I left you out of the initial post and at 2 am the next morning, sat up, yelling "Valerie!" Okay, not yelling exactly but remembering your presence, your presents. Thank you.

To Bonnie Geffen, my old friend. You're one of the people who never knew Stu and came to offer support to me during a very hard time. We'll see each other again, dammit. Thank you for holding my hand.

To Jean who has been in my life and seen me through a lot of changes. Your support has always helped, always meant a lot.

To Jane, for friendship and for fudge. And for what you said. I know. And I thank you.

To everyone who simply showed, pitched in, brought food, fixed the displays, fed me. It probably goes without saying that I am so grateful that you did all you did because without you, the memorial would not have happened. Period. Oh and the art display was so much better than I could have imagined.

To Randy Byers, for writing it up because I would have forgotten so many things so quickly. For taking the time, for listening.

To Kier Salmon and to Randolph Fritz for errand-running, photo-taking, hugs and support, ideas and friendship. You two have helped make this easier to deal with and I am more than grateful.

To Leslie and Laurie for the gathering in Boston while we were gathering in Seattle. Damn, Stu would have been so so pleased and honored that you did that. The east coast, New York, of course was always home, and we missed much about that area, pretty much shown by the folks who came and raised a glass and remembered. Thanks Doug - I read that you paid the entire tab - what a nice generous thing to do.

To Andy Hooper who told the great story about "being Stu's boss" during the Collectingchannel days. He gave Stu the opportunity to write, to research, to be creative. Stu thrived, loved that job, did a great job and the trip to NY was memorable indeed.

To Marcia for showing up early, working like mad, being so generous. Wow.

I am so sorry if I've left you out of this thank you. There were 30 to 40 people there, and it was easier to get through than I thought it would be. But after it was all over, and everyone took off, and I went back to the apartment, for me, nothing had changed.


I love you all. John and Eileen, Suzle, Kate, Glenn, Lauryn, Loren, see here is where I screw up. Denys, Marci, Astrid, Greg, Marilyn, Cliff, Amy, Barbara, Edd, Brian, Tom, Karen, Hal, Ulrika. And you, the person I am forgetting. I ask your forgiveness. My brains are still very much like wheatena many days. I will remember you.

Final thank you to the amazing Meagan Burns-Min. My niece, cousin, step-sister? Not only did you get out here from the east coast, but you were there for me before and after. The next day - that Monday - would have been hellish without you. Hanging out with you and getting lunch - so normal but so much more than normal. So much fun. I hope the kids aren't staying mad at me for taking you away during spring break, but, well, you're family. Of course, my sister Patricia would have attended but she cannot risk flying - as most of you know, her health is, well, iffy? But I know she was there and she wrote me the most wonderful glorious note about Stu and me. Meag. Please come back. I've known you for ACK what, well 40-plus years? The bond between us, I think, is as strong, or stronger than it ever was. I love
you.

Thank you.