I've talked some smack in my day. Some of it good, some of it bad. But I've never been as dumb as the 10-year-old who tried to take me down in the Official "Cooking Mama" Cook-off Challenge in Rockefellar Center today.

Cooking Mama is Nintendo's newest game release for the Wii. As mentioned in my previous post(s), I think the Wii is awesome. So naturally a weekend contest at Ninentendo's World store with first prize as a free game was appealing.

First round, I'm paired with a shit-talking fifth grader. He bounced up and down next to me,waving the game controller and shouting "woo!" Then he turns to me and yells, "I'm gonna KILL YOU!" "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Then he turned to my boyfriend at the next game console and said, "I'M GONNA KILL HER!"

And then he followed it up by turning back to me. "I'M GONNA TAKE YOU DOWNTOWN, ALL THE WAY DOWNTOWN!"

Hey kid, did we mention it was a COOKING game? As in, the object is to cook things like popcorn and scrambled eggs without burning them? And you get points for presentation? What are you gonna do, scald me on the stove? Mess up my face on a burner?

The game started and frankly, neither of us had any idea how to play, and both ended up screwing up the popcorn level. But in the end, Player One was declared the winner. Who was player one? Neither of us knew. So he was like "hahahah, I BEAT YOU, I KILLED YOU!"

Turns out, I was player 1. By the time the second round started, he had disappeared. I ended up playing Wizard Brian, whom I Wii-shivved both before and after he beat me in a bout of making scrambled eggs.




Other ironic moment of the day...we were waiting in the oft lengthy line at Magnolia for cupcakes. (A hard contest followed by heavy drinking always merits a cupcake.) When we finally reached the door of the bakery, the young woman in front of us asks the guy who was working the door, "do you sell stuff without sugar in here? Like stuff for diabetics?"

Magnolia. Home of orgasmic, cocaine-laced cupcakes, peanut butter icebox cake, coconut creme cake and chocolate mousse pies. A friend of ours put it simply, "a diabetic would go into shock just from smelling the inside of the place."

No matter though. We finished the night macking on cupcakes.