I've been a slender young reed and a middle-aged Weeble. The first one is a lot easier.
Even though ugly is the new black - as proposed by ABC's ad campaign and certified by the Hollywood Foreign Press Monday night - I don't see things changing.
Most thinking people would agree that racism, sexism and agism are bad things. But take the same folks with a minimal body fat index and they smuggly can't see how the rest of us could "let yourselves go."
Let yourself go - like this is a destination we seek on a path strewn with Twinkies and potato chips. I've never liked either and haven't had a French Fry in years.
I know the calorie, fat and carb count of just about anything you can put in your mouth better than I know my own phone number.
Still the Size Superior regularly make the most cutting remarks, apparently believing that with their generous enlightment I too will be shopping at the single digit end of the clothes rack.
The petite babe who announces at a meeting that "these people just don't get it. It's about the calories. I wish we could put it on t-shirts to remind them."
The guy who talks about attending a high school reunion and discovering a chubby clasmate had become thin and quite beautiful. "Her mother bought her a Weight Watchers membership for graduation, what a gift!" he says with an approving leer.
Yeah, what a lucky girl. Others got cars and cash, but she got the clear message from Mom that you'd better start a lifetime of counting and calculating right now or you aren't going to cut it.
How about the numerous friends over the years who have suggested I take up cigarette smoking for weight control?Sure there is the potential for shortening your lifespan and possibly those of people around you, but you'll look good doing it.
I look at photographs of my solid, square female ancestors and know that in the days before television they were considered beautiful. Obviously they weren't SuperSizing their fast food, nor were they, by any account, lazy or self-indulgent.
I've considered having my excellent blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar results for the last 30 years or so printed on a pocket card to hand immediately to those who assume any health issue I face is a consequence of corpulence. But most would not believe it anyway.
I do have Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, which I've had since the high school coach held me off the field hockey team for being too thin. Treatment too often requires the legal, prescription use of steroids. I hate taking them, I hate what they do to an already challenged metabolism. But I do like to breathe.
People are constantly telling me how much my husband and I look alike. When I point out he has grey hair and blue eyes to my brown/brown combo and our jaw line and noses are completely different -- they'll say something like "it must be your smiles." (Yeah, because we know how much those retired federal agents smile). Never will they admit that in their mind view all tall people with round middles look alike.
Yes, I know that if I exercise religiously, keep my calories count under 1400, push protein, and watch fat-- I will lose weight. I also know that its a lot of work weighing in your mind what you'll give up on your limited list of things you can have for that second glass of wine.
Most importantly, I know that as soon as I cut back on the exercise or increase the calories, the weight will come back with vengeance and it will be that much harder the next time. Yo-yo dieting is hard on the body and spirit- to say nothing of the closet.
So I'll take the jokes, sneers and "helpful" comments.
And I won't have the tee-shirt printed that says "I'd rather have my weight than your I.Q."