oh you know, i forgot to mention the other day that when i went to the va, i took my book of vladimer nabokov short stories. now for those who don't know who vlad is, he's the author of lolita, a book i must really one day read.

it's interesting to see stories from another background. and i dare say, many of his stories would surely fall into the absurdist catagory, he examines everything from murder to ghostly to revenge to just some poor guy trying to get along in the world. some are not even stories per se. just feelings or lyrical exposes born from the life he had witnessed. most in this collection were written around the early 20's or 30's and take place in berlin(where he lived for a while when he left russia), usually from the pov of a russian imigrant. and the reader must remember that was a different time. they are good examples of the pysche of that part of the world.

i will read lolita one day, and soon.

so yesterday i was a little bummed. it sucks thinking so much. i think it's a curse of the virgo, to think and analyzed everything, and usually incorrectly on top of that. our emotions start clogging the drain like the nastiest hair plug which in turn has a tendency to back up logic.

i feel not very much appreciated in my family. i'm the one who ends up doing the pesky little things no one else wants to deal with. i go out of my way to make sure everyone around me has what they want(within reason and monetary boundries)yet, i'm always the last, if ever, to get anything i want.

so should i suffer because i was born a giver and not a taker? seems like that's the way it is. and today if someone were to ask me what i thought my greatest weakness or fault is, i'd say, i'm a giver. you know the old saying, nice guys finish last, i think i'm proof of that.

and for just an inkling of what i'm talking about...here's how my mother's day is shaping up.

first i will take carole to work, a 30 min drive each way. she has to be there around 2, which means we leave around 1 and if she has to be there around 1 then we leave around 12. then in most likelyhood, when i get back, i'll have to take duane to the va in salsbury, since we've talked the doctor into taking him overnight before his proceedure monday morning, if they can find a bed for him. that's a 45 min drive both ways, not to mention the hour or so i'll be there while they get him checked in and settled. then later that night, when carole's work closes around midnight, i will have to drive and pick her up, getting home around 1 in the morning only to get up at 5:30 the next morning to get z up for school. and if by chance, the va can't find a bed for duane, i'll have to get up at 4:30 monday to leave by 5:30 to get him to the va on time. but at least i'll be relieved of driving him on sunday. but he if does stay over night, once i get z off to school on monday, i'll have to drive to salsbury and wait for his proceedure to be over so i can drive him home.

basically, on mother's day, i'll be spending my day in a truck, driving family all over north carolina. sounds like fun, don't it?

and what will i get for it? a thank you, maybe. oh listen, i don't do things to get things, that's not what i mean. but some little act of appreciation would be nice, that's all i'm asking. but instead, i'm taken for granted.

so, i've decided, i'm going to thank and appreciate myself. because apparently, if i don't, no one else will. so i'm going to go to the bookstore and buy me a book. hell, i might even get me a new cd too.

i can't decide on what book i want. want the DeVinci Code, but i bet it's still in hardback. i also desperately want the nonfiction book reading lolita in terhan, probably also still in hardback...oh decisions, decisions.

for my cd, i'm going old school. i think i might get some rachmaninov...

oh yes, people. i may dude this and dude that, use ain't, drop my g's and call ya darlin, but there's lots of layers to laurie.

an early happy mother's day to all the mothers who do those things people don't ever acknowlege. we all rock!