well, i should be figuring out how to link all the ezine's pages together. the new, should be simplier, design is really messing with me. hubby was supposed to help me, but he's been working late the last two nights and who am i to say no to overtime. especially since his boss never lets him get overtime but was willing this time around and just in time for christmas.

but i feel the need to vent a tad. just a tad, mind you. i am short on time(aren't we all?).

this is the time of year when those christmas cards start floating in. cards from friends and family that you don't talk to the rest of the year, but because it "tis the season" suddenly you're one of the most popular people on earth.

first i open a card from my aunt a and uncle j. he's my father's youngest brother, the baby. every year they send us a card, complete with a "lovely" family portrait, kids and grandkids included. this year was no exception, except it was a photo from her youngest daughter's wedding, the one that was only 90 miles from me, but because i don't have a car, i couldn't go.

now my aunt is from MONEY. in other words, my uncle married well. he himself was an attorney for the City of Oklahoma City. my mom says he had wanted another profession, one without so much prestige, and my aunt "insisted" he become a lawyer instead, threatening to break up with him if he didn't do so. their kids went to a private catholic school (he converted to catholicism for her) and they lived in a grand old house in one of the older neighborhoods of OK City. she pushed her kids, filling up their schedules with band, sports and anything else she could find, and then criticized my mom for not doing the same for me. she's a snot. a snob. so i wasn't surprised that on the card's address, she got my son's name wrong.

however, i also received a card from my aunt l and uncle a. she came from humble beginnings like my parents(and her husband). they used to live in a small house down the street from us in OK City. She worked her way up in a rather prosperous oil company, eventually becoming the president or ceo, while my uncle was the geologist for the same company. a few years after we moved to arkansas, they bought an expensive, upscale condo around downtown OK City. they were who my parents traveled to the wedding with back in oct. and they did manage to come see us for a couple of hours. mind you, i hadn't seen my parents in two years, they travel with my aunt and uncle 900 + miles from home, and my aunt and uncle decide they can only spare a couple of hours to see us. they were in a hurry to hit a casino some where to gamble.

anyhow, so i open their card. the inscription reads,

"It was nice to see you all. We enjoyed the visit. You all seem happy---that's all that counts!"

What tha hell is that suppose to mean? it's like she was saying, "from where i'm sitting, your life is crap, but you seem happy, so that's all that counts." the way i read it, she might as well as said that. i mean, i thought maybe i was reading more into that than i should. so, without saying anything else or giving the girl any background info, i read it to her. her reaction was the same as mine.

now i would have expected that kind of response from my other aunt, but not from this one. and i tell you, if i didn't feel like the black sheep before, well, now i do.

i tell you, that just sums up my family. you know, some families you can see the dysfunction, the alcoholism, the abuse, the neglect, the mental illness, but there's some families like mine where everything looks good on the outside until you crack open the shell to find the stinking, rotting nut.

even when we lived in OK City, i never saw my aunt and uncles that much. when we moved, it became even less.

and it's not much better in my immediate family. i've only talked to my middle sister twice in the last seven years since i've lived here. i've talked to my oldest a little more, because when her daughter went to college in Charleston, she(the daughter) came to stay with us for a couple of thanksgivings and when my sister took her to school each year(for two years), they stopped in town to have lunch with us. but probably, since my sister moved away as quickly as possible after she graduated, i've probably only seen her about six times in the last twenty years and probably only talked to her ten times, maybe.

no wonder i have intimacy issues and am so fucked up.

merry fucking christmas, ya'll