ok, well, something has happened in my life that has made me look deeper into the whole marriage thing. now, maybe i'm just jilted and jaded, but sometimes distance from a situation brings a bit of clarity.

my friend, mark, is a nice guy. he has a tendency to let women ride roughshod over him. i mean, sam and his friend, jaime, treated him like a boyfriend "do this, do that" without the benefit of a sexual relationship. case in point, his friend, jaime, went out of state, doesn't know when or if she'll be back, and left her dog here for mark to take care of.

so one day, this stray...Cat, followed us home from the beach. that day, she told me, she was a chef. that's what she did for a living.

come to find out, she's a stripper, that's what she does for a living. hmmmmm, first red flag there. i mean, if it's not a problem, why lie about it?

anyway, she moved into mark's apartment that day (hmmm, I wonder if she knows what mark did in the bathroom with someone else...no, not me....that very same night?).

three weeks later, she's all "i love him soooo much"

a week after that, she's sporting a spiffy engagement ring.

he's known her for a month, and now they are engaged.

WTF? neither one of them realize they are just feeling those pheramones (she must give a really good blow job, heh, practice makes perfect) and those do wear off, they do and rather quickly. heh, chemistry doesn't last forever.

we didn't have the conversation for mark's benefit, but he was present. the other day, nick's mom and i are talking. she's been with the same man for 25 years. they never married. and of course, there's goldie hawn and kurt russel, together for 30 years, never married. i don't even think susan sarandon and tim robbins even married. both have children from those unmarried relationships. Nick's mom is happy she's never married this man. And, knowing what I know now, I concur.

i guess my point is (and it will be a long winded point, cause that's how i roll) the iceback and i lived together for two years. in the first year, i wanted to get married. his point was he wasn't any less committed to me, married or not. so i let it go. i accepted that, i did. he convinced me. and then one bright bonny morning, on mother's day, he be-bops in, plops on the bed and asks me to marry him. in my mind, i was a little reluctant, i mean, he'd done a really good job of selling me on the idea of not marrying. but me, being a female obsessed with a societal need of some state sanctioned commitment, i caved.

i wish i hadn't. and that was the point i made to nick's mom. Even sam admitted maybe they shouldn't have married because.....everything changed. everything. see, when we enter into a contract that is so difficult to get out of, we change. we take things for granted. we loosen up and let go. and not in a good way. frankly, we become lazy.

so, i screwed up with mark. did something i shouldn't have done and he's mad at me. however, all that being said, i will be the one friend who won't stand blindly by without a word or two. seriously? i thought friendship wasn't about blind support. to me, that's not friendship.

friendship is playing devil's advocate. i don't blindly support my friends, i question their decisions. that's how i want my friends to be. look, it eventually comes to a point where you tell your friend "shut up! I've made my decision" and then the friend does indeed back off and support you no matter what.

but i don't want "yes men" in my life. i want people who make me explore my decisions. i want to be able to know my feelings and be able to back up my point of view, good, bad or ugly.

that's what friends are for.

the long and short, in netta's words (and i was thinking it as well) mark needs to manup! seriously! Man the fuck Up!

it's really kind of sad and pathetic when you're more of a man than your man-friend.