April 16, 2006
At one point in "Bull Durham," Kevin Costner steps away from the batter's box, telling himself, "Get out of your own head! What're you doing?"

I know the feeling.

Yesterday I finished the rewrite of "Dancing in the Dark," the novel I wrote under a pseudonym. I still need to proof it, and since my agent is in the process of moving office location and not accepting submissions, that's not really an issue.

The issue is where I am in my head. I'm not satisfied. It might be too short, although it's a publishable length. It's just shorter than I hoped.

And in some other ways I'm not satisfied either. I don't know if they're legitimate concerns. Was it too easy? (I doubt it). Should there have been something else between Jo & Webber at the end? Was the finale too quick? Not enough? Is there enough detail? Sense of place? More sensory detail? Do the characters have enough depth? Especially the important secondary characters?

How do you increase those without giving up the pace, which is one of my strengths?

Hmmm. Part of the problem may very well be where I am in my writing life.

I've got the 2-book contract ongoing for the Derek Stillwater novels. The third Stillwater novel is written in draft and I can fine-tune it at my leisure the rest of the year. There's a part of me, a real strong voice in my head that says: "One book a year is plenty. You like Derek. You like the sort of books involved. You've got a good publisher. You should concentrate on one good novel a year with the appropriate amount of time and energy for making them excellent and promoting them. This can be your franchise."

There's another voice saying: "You only have so much time and energy, and two books a year is too much if you expect to continue writing nonfiction."

And another voice (yeah, it's getting crowded): "Part of the idea is I'll have two books a year and won't have to do as much nonfiction."

And that repetitive voice: "Or you'll have two books a year that don't make nearly enough money to live on, but suck up time the way a Dyson sucks up dirt."

And by no small coincidence, I'm in the process of finalizing a contract with a new client for at least 4 projects, one long-term, which will total about 3/4 of what I made all 2005. This client has deep pockets, a ton of work, and I'm something of an authority on the subject, so you can see where my head might be on them a little bit.

Self-doubt is a part of being a novelist. Only experience and whatever innate gifts you have for introspection and sorting out your thoughts can tell you if your work is any good. Also, it's important to try and figure out if there are other things going on in your life that directly affect how you feel about the work. I'm no stranger to the blues and other mental discontents. Beware the post-Easter sugar crash, and all that.

Best,
Mark Terry