I've been going through the Apr. 14 issue of Newsweek trying to read myself to sleep. It's written with the understanding that its readers follow the war news and hear military movements on broadcast news. So instead the focus on the personal stories of "grunts" and "dogfaces."

They go step by step through the story of the rescue of Pfc. Lynch complete with not-very-interesting grainy green pictures of soldiers (I assume Marines) racing down some stairs, presumably in the hospital where the private was held. When I heard the news last week I was happy for her and her family. When I heard that this was first successful rescue of a POW since WWII something tightened in my stomach, but still I was thankful.

I turned the page after finishing the story and saw some pictures of soldiers and my eye was caught by one Chief Warrant Officer Johnny Villareal Mata and found myself thinking "that is one good-looking man." Then I read the top of the page and realized these were some of the soldiers found buried when Lynch was rescued. Chief Mata was 35 and left behind a wife and children (didn't say how many).

Among the dead was Pfc. Lori Piestewa. She was a Hopi Indian from Tuba City, AZ. She left behind two children. On NPR yesterday I heard something in passing about her story. It wasn't a news story, rather it was a short commentary by a teacher in Tuba City who ran the arts part of a second grade class that included two of Pfc. Piestewa's nephews.

Listening to the stories and reading about the families is far more gut-wrenching to me than watching grisly images on TV. Of course, I don't own a TV but I do occasionally watch it, usually while I'm in the gym. Watching people flinch at the sounds of gun fire or explosions or observing people walk around with bewildered faces as blood runs down their bodies doesn't really "get" me. I mostly just store it in and move on.

But hearing the tale of someone's life, understanding that they were made of whole cloth, one thread in an immensely intricate weave and understanding that they were suddenly snipped short.... That steals my breath and puts a cold grip on my heart.

On the next page is an article about how war footage is enraging Arabs toward the atrocities of the American incursion.

Americans don't seem to understand how white washed their television is. When they see bloodied bodies, especially those of the young, and see the horrific wounds people are taking they get upset at the TV editors who chose to air such images. Maybe it's right and maybe it isn't, but what we need to understand is those sorts of images are on full-time in other nations. It could just be the purient desire to get "reality" on TV in the form of bloody guts, but the point is that people around the world have more access to the terrible sights of war and we continually underestimate the impact that has.

I'm tired. I've stayed up way too late and I have to get up way too early tomorrow.

Gen. Robert E. Lee said war is hell. And it is. The stories are the same, heroes: bravery, politics, pride, the lucky living, the too-young-yet dead and all we can do is take our heads into our hands and pray for a swift end.

It just hurts so fucking much.