So when is it appropriate to ask for a compliment?


It's something that's been going through my head recently, and I have no idea why.


Well that's not entirely true. I was thinking over how to request critiques for various things ranging from work I've produced for my company to games I've run.


Some of it is easier than others - for gaming I just need to send out an email with questions and sit back as the all the players "forget" to respond. Well, my Molasses may respond but since I have an idea what he would say (we usually share a bed after each game and there is usually some pillow talk while I decompress).

For work I can usually get some verbal reassurance, but it doesn't always add up to something at review times and I have no idea how to turn it into departmental rewards. When it comes to work I fully admit to being greedy for recognition because it seems like the only way to later get any respectful attention to ideas I may have. Anyway, my manager is happy to tell me I do good work, but I want documentation I can take into a performance review.

I suppose I could do some internal exploration about the sort of validation I'm after. There's whole chapters I could write about my parents and me and our attitudes of respect and acceptance (or lack thereof) toward each other. But I don't want to right now. They don't like how I live my life, they don't understand my career choices.... And I don't feel like I need to please them any more. But I do wish I could get their respect. *sigh* blah... not. gonna. talk. about it.

Anyhoo. On the drive up I was thinking about respect and admiration and wondering what made that different from friendship and generally liking somebody. And sort of realizing I don't really know or understand friendship. I have a few friends, folks I turn to when I need advice or a helping hand; people I'm eager to aid in any way that I can if it's ever needed.

But why? How to ties get built this way? What makes me bind myself to people and vice versa and call that binding "friendship?"

I got to thinking about it so hard I was debating asking these people why we were friends, perhaps volunteering my thoughts on why I sought their friendship and why I'm happy to have it. But my sense propriety got in the way and I started to wonder if I was really just digging for compliments.

Sometimes a way to get compliements is to give them in a way that takes oneself down somewhat. This society has built in a sense for trying at least to keep things even if not (falsely?) building each other up. Girls do it all the time: "Gosh, those shorts look so good on you! They would just make my butt look big." "Oh, no way! The skirt you're wearing is totally cute on you!" etc, etc, gag, barf...

So I don't want to go down that route, or even look like it.

But I'm still... I don't know...