still cold (can't type with gloves on)

Nattering Lady has lowered her voice but is still attached to the phone.

and I'm feeling pretty miserable.


somewhat tired, but mostly dragged down. depression makes it hard to focus, which is ironic because working hard and moving fast is the only thing that can keep me from wallowing.


god, no more wallowing. Please.

There's nothing to complain about. Nothing that's really going wrong. not really so... where did this come from?

I was angry, frustrated. still am somewhat but it's sublimated itself into sorrow that just sits on my chest and won't let me breathe deep enough to cry.

i remember this


i remember avoidance. I remember being unable to make myself tell. Couldn't get out of bed. I'd tell my dad I was sick. I was too old for him to come in and check, he just believed me.


i remember hating people who told me to cheer up, who told me to smile more


I remember the edges. I remember the sensation of slowly breaking skin. the pacification that came at watching blood bubble up.


i don't think this is as bad as that, but it's hard to be sure. at least, i don't want to hurt myself but



god i can't do this