Aches and Complaints: headachey and sick of the heat

I've had a bit of a headache for a couple days now. Not entirely sure what to attribute it to. Can't say that it's been the same headache throughout. Could be the heat, could be not drinking coffee cause it's so friggin hot, could be stress, could be lack of sleep (see ref: the heat).... Also starting to worry it could be my eyes.

Vision is maybe seeming to get worse, but not in the same way as with iritis. It could be too much of the drugs (on the same regimen since the last time I saw an ophthalmologist which was too long ago). Or it could be the drugs have become ruined. With the heat there's no safe place to put them to keep them within the range they're supposed to be at. It's too cold in the fridge and too hot everywhere else. So I may just be utterly fucked. Hard to say.

Not related, I'm sick of my weight and fatness and trying to fight back against the urge to just throw my hands up in the air and tell myself I don't care. I'll never be ok with how I look, but I swear my clothes didn't always fit this tightly. So I gotta try, try again with self-denial and the determination to exercise even though it's a jillion degrees out.

Still no job. A tremendous amount of stress there. Puts a lot of pressure on me to figure out plans for the next couple of months that I was hoping to dodge. Also have to figure out what to do with my phone. The plan ends very, very soon and so I have to figure out whether I want to re-up with Sprint or try to figure out how to port my number to where ever I go next (and if I want a new phone). Right at this very second I *do NOT* want to change my number. But porting is hard and phone companies don't like to allow it for whatever reason. They like run arounds and promising one thing delivering another. and I don't have a backup phone if anything goes wrong. Blarg.

I want to write out some good news but I don't feel like I've got any. I'm coasting along, floating because that's easy enough for now. But if I move at all I feel guilty unless it's movement toward getting a payday lined up. I understand I can like something but not take pleasure in it. Intellectualization may not be all that much fun, but it takes the edge of the blues of being able to feel unhappy emotions keenly and not being able to feel happy ones.

I dunno. I watched The Dark Knight on Friday. I think I may very well try to hit it again soon. It's pretty damn good. Between that, a friend's smile and a lot of alcohol I've listed for you the things that I've looked forward to in the past few days. A little pitiful, I would think.


If it wasn't for disappointment/I'd never have any appointments
--They Might Be Giants