This is the week of the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus Concert, "Sidetrack V: With a Twist," an extravaganza of production numbers from hit Broadway or Hollywood Musicals. See here.

Sidetrack is a gay bar in Chicago that three times a week hosts "Showtunes," where videos from various musicals are played and the bar patrons sing along. Our show, with a set designed to look like the actual Sidetrack space, seeks to recreate that ambiance, but instead of showing videos, the numbers are re-enacted, with singing and dancing provided by members of the chorus.

This year's show includes numbers from such musicals as "Will Rogers' Follies," "Wicked," "Avenue Q," "Chicago," "Rent," "Mary Poppins," "How To Succeed in Business...," "Hairspray," and many others, including the movie version of "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas."

In the opening number in the movie, 'Little Bitty Pissant Country Place," "Dolly Parton/Miss Mona," the Madam, sings the song in 4 different outfits...so we have 4 different "Dollys" singing the song. I am Dolly #2.

This past week, I shaved my face for the first time in about 8 or 9 years. I also shaved my chest. Let's just say that neither the face nor the chest are improved in my estimation by this process...but Dolly isn't known for her body hair. :-)

Here are some things I've learned as I prepare for my appearance in this extravaganza (Dolly makes two appearances in the show, so I at least have two numbers in my get up!)

1. Women who wear heels deserve both respect and very good insurance.

2. It is so much easier to sway one's hips while walking if one is wearing heels.

3. As for shaving large portions of the male body, I have only one word for you. ITCH!

4. They make women's lingerie in very large sizes. Personally, I'm a 50DD, just in case you were wondering.

5. Puffed rice makes excellent bra stuffing material when placed inside a knee high. It's not very realistic to the touch, but when dancing vigorously, it doesn't put one's eye out like those bags of birdseed can.

6. For a man of size to create killer cleavage, one leans over, wrapping one's arms around one's body in such a way that the man-boobs are drawn together. A friend (aka "the torturer") then wraps DUCT TAPE around the man's upper body, just below the nipple. One then straightens up (used in the vertical sense only), and, voila!, one has killer cleavage. However, one has only the inner half of two boobs at this point. The rest will have to be filled in. (See # 5 above.) Removal of this cleavage- producing tape is NOT for the feint of heart. An astonishing amount of extra cleavage can be created with make-up shading. I wonder...does Pamela Anderson have to go through this?

7. If one is planning on putting stage makeup on a recently shaved face and chest, one should suck it up and start shaving 2 weeks before the event so the face and chest can get used to the idea (break out-wise).

8. Have I mentioned yet how heels suck? It's not the height...my cowboy boots have a big heel...It's the lack of stability of the heel. Even wearing professional grade women's character shoes, I've got to be extra careful not to put weight on the heel or I'm gonna lose an ankle.

9. In case you were wondering...a man buying triple queen thigh high hose is pretty much automatically assumed to be buying them for himself. Oh Well.

10. I've pretty much discovered that when dancing in heels, with boobs and a HUGE wig, my center of gravity is somewhere just east of the western shore of Lake Michigan.