ADMIN PASSWORD: Remember Me

Ondine
She's got everything she needs, She's an artist, she don't look back. She's got everything she needs, She's an artist, she don't look back. She can take the dark out of the nighttime And paint the daytime black. --Bob Dylan


Fortunes and Beauty

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I opened a fortune cookie today at lunch, but there was no fortune. Seeing that empty cookie filled me with impending doom. It really shook me. Then I got mad and told myself not to get weirded out by a superstition. Later, I thought about how that cookie reminded me of Dennis. Empty promise--doom and gloom.

I've been worried about becoming a pessimist. My therapist says my character hasn't changed it's just that I am exhausted from everything. My reserves are gone after dealing with too many crazy people in my life. I've decided to take a break from dating.

I had a realization later today. I've always felt plain to ugly. Always felt like I'd have to settle for any man, because he could be the last, given how I look. I'd date men I believed were prettier than me and then gave them all this power over me because of how they looked. That's no longer okay. I am redefining beautiful as me. I stood up to Dennis, even though I found him so handsome. I told him no. I walked away.

I had another cookie at dinner. The fortune said good luck will come to you. No more empty cookies for beautiful me.

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