If you're just joining us, it's now 2006. Welcome. With another year comes more elections. Now, the unfortunate thing about a democracy is that anyone can run for office. People often vote for candidates who they can relate to. Chances are, if you're a member of the American public and you can relate to a candidate, that's not a good thing. Keep that in mind.

Now, in case you were thinking of running for office, I've decided to lay down these guidelines to help you better make your decision. Here it is, the first edition of my highly anticipated "You might not want to run for office" series:

If you thought Brownie was doing "a heck of a job" while Hurricane Katrina ravaged New Orleans, you might not want to run for office.

If you didn't realize the Thomas Moore Law Center was pushing creationism in the classroom, you might not want to run for office. Same goes for the Discovery Institute, the group of scholars who "discovered" that science is too much work to bother with.

If you've ever sparked an investigation for "gerrymandering," you might not want to run for office.

If you've ever taken a beer can to a job interview, you might be a redneck. Wait, sorry, don't know how this one got in here.

If you've were involved in the Iran Contra affair, you might not want to run for office. You won't need to, because odds are you'll be appointed to some kind of important position or get a job with Fox News anyway.

If you're outspoken about how "selfish" and "immoral" homosexuals are, but have a lesbian daughter yourself, you might not want to run for office. Plus, if you are really outspoken on the matter, chances are your daughter will become a lesbian, even if you don't actually have a daughter. Just seems to work that way.

If you think "Hitler had some good ideas, he just went too far," you might not want to run for office. No one in particular comes to mind here. I'm just saying.