The reasons number many, but here are a few of the more convincing arguments as to why I could totally rock the high seas and punt bitches down to Davy Jones' locker:

1. I'm good at moving uphill. These days this is mostly exhibited by my uncanny ability to mount stairs and successfully walk up hills, but as a child my tree-mounting prowess was renowned far and wide. This would enable me to swiftly climb masts or nets to get into the crow's nest, from where I could spot other pirates ships/British navy vessels. Because of my ability to get a bead on other watercraft, my pirate ship would always be ready for battle--unless you're talking about ghost ships, in which case I confess it would be tough for me to spot them, what with their ability to be invisible and all. But frankly, I don't see how that's fair of you to even bring that up. Put it this way--against other ships manned by humans, I would be dominant.

2. I have no physical disabilities. If movies, cartoons and comic books are as trustworthy as I have every right to suspect, a lot of pirates have eye patches, hooks for hands and wooden pegs for legs. As of now, I have no need for any of those devices. Think about it--many pirates with those disabilities even work in upper management. There's no reason I shouldn't be superior to a good bit of the pirate fleet and hopefully move up the caste system quickly. Plus, if I were to lose an eye, it would far less devastating than for, say, Patches McGee over here.

3. I've seen both Pirates of the Caribbean and Hook twice. As a kid, I read Treasure Island. It's my understanding that many pirates have never been to the movies and cannot read. This gives me a solid background that many of my competitors lack.

4. I am already used to putting limes in my Coronas. Some other chump might not do this while at sea and risk getting scurvy. And when looting time comes, who do you want next to you: a healthy individual with a fully functional auto-immune system or some bitch with scurvy? *Scoff*

5. Although I don't like to talk about it too much, I have the ability to grow to 60 feet tall and turn my skin into platinum on command. I generally choose not to do this, afraid of the reaction it might generate. Also, it would be really inconvenient while inside. If push came to shove, though, I would not be scared to use this power against other pirates/the British Navy.

I think five reasons is probably pretty good. If you or someone you know has a position available and need to know about some of my other qualifications, by all means get in touch. Thank you in advance for your consideration.