Mark Cuban told me to update my blog {see last entry}, so I'm doing so. Either that or a Mark Cuban imposter {I'm pretty sure it was my roomate}. Either way, I will oblige.

Did I ever mention that I grew up Mark Cuban's hometown, Mt. Lebanon, Pa.? Here are some well-known FACTS about Mark Cuban that I know through local knowledge (studies show that CAPS lock increases truthfulness, as you'll recall.}

1. In 1997, Mark Cuban set a world record for making the largest blanket created by sewing babies together. The only reason this is not more well-known is because the Guiness Book of Records Elders do not yet officially recognize it as a category. They plan to vote on the issue at their next meeting, which only occur once every 17 years.

2. Mark Cuban would often go to Hoover Elementary School to play basketball against 10 and 11-year olds, throwing 'bows like Ludacris. The kids would protest at the no-calls by referee George Wendt, personally hired by Cuban. "This is street ball, you ain't supposed to get no calls," Cuban would reply.

3. In 1999, Mark Cuban made the world's largest poncho made entirely of puppies. He then gave it to a homeless man, who was later crushed to death when he put it on. It was really quite a large poncho. See #1 for why this is not more well-known.

4. Once a year, Mark Cuban paints a pink dot on every seventh house in Mt. Lebanon. The first-born daughter is taken from each family with a dot. Word is Mark Cuban is working to build the world's largest pool table made entirely from first-born daughters. Also, the paint is oil-based or something, and it's really hard to get out.

5. Mark Cuban replaced perfectly good condoms at the drug store with syphilis-infected condoms. He then bought out all the area's syphilis medicine. People with syphilis have to go to him for the cure. Only then he doesn't give them the cure, he gives them more syphilis.

6. Mark Cuban ran a smear campaign to get himself elected on the PTA board even though he doesn't have any kids. He consistently makes motions to require teachers to teach kids that the Holocaust never happened. He has not yet been successful.

7. Every Halloween, Mark Cuban removes Snickers bars from the wrapper and replaces them with rocks carved into fake Snickers bars. A lot of kids break their teeth every year. It's actually pretty funny. He saves the real Snickers bars and is currently building the world's largest dirty bomb made from Snickers.

Allright, that's enough for now. I will reveal more in a tell-all unofficial biography.