R. Kelly on fire
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The moment we have all been waiting for is here. R. Kelly has dropped 10 more much-anticipatd chapters of his "Trapped in the closet" saga.
I've been anxiously awaiting this moment since Thanksgiving 2005, when I wrote this:
'"Trapped in the Closet" is the heart-warming musical tale of a simple man with a concealed pistol who merely wants to cheat on his wife without facing any repurcussions. Unfortunately, this simple man also will pull out his Beretta at the drop of a hat. Never before have I seen someone so willing to pull out a gun. Even after Gwendolyn's brother Twaan accidentally gets capped in the arm, Sylvester simply cannot miss an opportunity to wave his gun in somebody's (anybody's) face.
So who is your favorite character from chapters 1-12? Is it Big Boy, the midget stripper who shits himself when a gun is pulled on him? Or how about Brenda, the crazy fat white bitch who got knocked up by Big Boy and is always trying to get her husband to eat pears? Let's not overlock Rufus, the married gay preacher, or Twaan for that matter, who just got out of jail that day but has already twice pulled guns on people after getting shot by a cop.'
About 2 years since the first chapter dropped, chapter 13 is out. We are greeted with Sylvester and Twan together in a car. Sylvester tells Twaan to straighten his hat. He runs a tight shift - no unstraightened hats up in Sylvester's ride.
After a completely irrelevant clip of R. Kelly dressed up like an old man arguing with his wife Rosy the Nosy neighbor, Sylvester then goes to meet up with a woman who can maybe get him some money. Twaan, meanwhile, stays in the vehicle with his straight hat.
He sings:
30 minutes later
45 minutes later
...and now an hour later
And nothing happens. And that's the end of Chapter 13. Something big is about to go down. What exactly? Will Twaan cap a cop? Will there be more midgets with wives who really want people to eat their pears? I just don't know. But I can hardly wait.
The best part is that clips online, taken from the DVD I guess, show R. Kelly explaining what's going on. So we have R. Kelly narrating himself, although he already plays the role of a narrator in the story. Brilliant.
The day is not far off when "Trapped in the closet" will be taught classrooms in lieu of, say, "The Iliad." R. Kelly's epic deserves no less.
R. Kelly fo-eva. Not guilty, yall gots to feel me.
I've been anxiously awaiting this moment since Thanksgiving 2005, when I wrote this:
'"Trapped in the Closet" is the heart-warming musical tale of a simple man with a concealed pistol who merely wants to cheat on his wife without facing any repurcussions. Unfortunately, this simple man also will pull out his Beretta at the drop of a hat. Never before have I seen someone so willing to pull out a gun. Even after Gwendolyn's brother Twaan accidentally gets capped in the arm, Sylvester simply cannot miss an opportunity to wave his gun in somebody's (anybody's) face.
So who is your favorite character from chapters 1-12? Is it Big Boy, the midget stripper who shits himself when a gun is pulled on him? Or how about Brenda, the crazy fat white bitch who got knocked up by Big Boy and is always trying to get her husband to eat pears? Let's not overlock Rufus, the married gay preacher, or Twaan for that matter, who just got out of jail that day but has already twice pulled guns on people after getting shot by a cop.'
About 2 years since the first chapter dropped, chapter 13 is out. We are greeted with Sylvester and Twan together in a car. Sylvester tells Twaan to straighten his hat. He runs a tight shift - no unstraightened hats up in Sylvester's ride.
After a completely irrelevant clip of R. Kelly dressed up like an old man arguing with his wife Rosy the Nosy neighbor, Sylvester then goes to meet up with a woman who can maybe get him some money. Twaan, meanwhile, stays in the vehicle with his straight hat.
He sings:
30 minutes later
45 minutes later
...and now an hour later
And nothing happens. And that's the end of Chapter 13. Something big is about to go down. What exactly? Will Twaan cap a cop? Will there be more midgets with wives who really want people to eat their pears? I just don't know. But I can hardly wait.
The best part is that clips online, taken from the DVD I guess, show R. Kelly explaining what's going on. So we have R. Kelly narrating himself, although he already plays the role of a narrator in the story. Brilliant.
The day is not far off when "Trapped in the closet" will be taught classrooms in lieu of, say, "The Iliad." R. Kelly's epic deserves no less.
R. Kelly fo-eva. Not guilty, yall gots to feel me.
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