So I'm sitting around waiting for election results to come in. Polls in Maryland were kept open an extra 90 minutes because bad weather shut down the main highway for several hours this afternoon. Cock. Balls.

In any event, all this extra time has given me an opportunity to think about the real issues here.

First of all, what the hell. Do we really want to elect Hillary Clinton president? Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton. That would mean that the next president will be either Jeb or Laura Bush. Screw that.

I would totally have run a better campaign for Barack Obama. There's endless opportunity for more clever slogans than "change is coming" or "stand up for change" or whatever the hell. How about "Barack Obama will rock Osama?" Huh? huh? Or "Barack Obama will fock yo momma?" "Barack Obama will end AIDS by having sex with a virgin"...it goes on and on.

Allright, results coming in. And I'm out.