Last night and this weekend I reloaded my old journal back onto sff.net for those truly bored (or truly masochistic) souls out there who might be interested in viewing the original "Contradistinctions." It only took about half an hour to get it loaded back up and to fix broken links, but it took about two hours longer because I kept stopping to read old entries.

Holy shit, my life has gone through some changes! I started journalling in 1998, when I was still married to my first husband (although by that time we had already agreed on divorce.) I journalled all through my job at the casino, the divorce, Clarion, getting back into the dating scene (Thank the gods for Kent Brewster! :) ), buying a house, getting a dog, becoming a cop, losing over fifty pounds, getting into a shootout, meeting Jack, dating Jack, becoming a detective, marrying Jack, becoming pregnant, and losing the baby.

Hard for me to believe how much I've gone through until reading all the old entries. I stopped journalling two entries after The Worst Day of My Life. The entries had been sparse even before then, but after that I just didn't have the heart for it anymore.

But now, after reading old entries, I'm totally kicking myself for not picking the journal back up when I got pregnant again. I posted regularly on a pregnancy message board with a terrific group of women who were all also due around the same time, but the drawback to that is that those posts disappear after a month or two and I (or anyone else) can't ever go back and read them again.

Ah well.

And once upon a time I was a writer. People even told me I was good. Sold a story or three. Had an offer on a novel. Sheesh. Time to get back into that mode as well. I have lived an amazingly regret-free life so far. I'd rather not start now.