but after so many articles, headlines, and news broadcasts of the beheaded American soldier, I felt saddened and conflicted.

Part of me wanted to see the video that showed it. I felt like I should, like we owed it to this guy. The fact that a friend of mine went to highschool with this guy made me sadder still. The fact that I have a friend still out there, fighting against these horrible inhumane people, made me even more concerned.

And at the same time I felt like I shouldn't. I wasn't sure whether I would be able to get any horrible images out of my mind, whether this would lean more towards traumatizing me or desensitizing me. Would my psyche blow it off like it seems to do with movie violence? Will watching this color my views on the whole scenerio? What will people think of me? Is this a sick curiosity that I should simply avoid?

Mostly, I've been full of questions. Why would they do something like this? Why on camera? What was the point of the 10ish page speech that was spoken? It was not in English and I have yet to find a translation of it. Why? Why?

What to do. What to do.

Most news sites only had portions, with the actual murder act cut out of it. A simple search of the guy's name using the program that I generally find my mp3s with found about half a dozen copies right away...

so we downloaded it, and we watched it, stunned, horrified, full of even more questions...

You're never really prepared to see and hear certain things you wind up seeing and hearing.

And now I'm not sure what to do with the images and sounds that are now stuck in my head.

Still more questions, more feelings... I guess I'll sort it all out eventually.

And Dammit! I started out in such a good mood too. I think I'll put the theater stuff in another post. I think this one should remain on a more somber note.