"Memory is a net." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
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I was anxious all day. I impatiently waited for the Friday night Al-Anon meeting. I so wanted to stay home and read. I know if I go then I feel better and I have interacted with healthy-minded people. As it happened, C called to see if she could get a ride home so that cinched the deal.

I felt down yesterday. I do not know why. I sat on the futon for an hour or so with Michael. I liked the closeness of him. Bailey was on his other side. And there we sat watching the television.

We had a crazy lady come walking down the walkway and knock on Mr. and Mrs. T's door. She was yelling at the top of her lungs. When Michael stuck his head out the door she yelled things at him too, something about someone missing. Michael called the sheriff and they eventually sent someone over. The sheriffs know about this woman and until she does something dangerous, they cannot do anything about her. Apparently she is supposed to be on medication but she does not take them all the time.

I did finally take a shower in our "new" shower. All the hardware works great and it did feel good. I even washed my hair. For today I have done three things to take care of me.

1. I read my inspiration readings
2. Did my morning pages
3. Listened to music while I did them
4. Took a shower
5. Went to an Al-Anon meeting

Okay, I came up with two extra things. But, this is good.

The meeting was small because a lot of the members were attending the annual AA convention in SLO-town. So, we were a small group. When I shared I felt like I was rambling on and made no sense at all. I wish I had just kept quiet. M had the best share, just stating she did not have anything to share but was glad everyone was there and that she would just listen.

C and I helped clean up as best we could. Then we left for her home. She lives on Eighth Street, practically behind us. It was easy to find even in the dark.

Oh yeah, I showed R my Oriental pen. He was quite taken with it. I did not get a chance to show him my Harley fountain pens.

When I arrived home, Michael was still sleeping. I do not believe he even woke up while I was gone. I had all my alerts on vibrate in case he called and could not remember where I was and then I could text him and remind him but he did not call.

I attempted to stay up until midnight but I kept falling asleep.

Michael sauteed me some mushrooms and I was falling asleep while eating them. Oh, but they were good.

Sleep was restless. Michael assisted me in getting into bed and I fell asleep almost immediately. This night I changed the bird song on my clock to frogs ribbeting. I do like listening to the frogs.

I had a strange dream; part of it was that someone had taken my purse that had my medications in it as well as money and my debit card and such. Plus, I found a $50 bill in my purse. I purchased lunch with the money. I did not question where the money came from.

The second strange part was that Uncle A and I were approximately the same age. Only I was not calling him Uncle any more, he was just A. At some point, I got the feeling he wanted to marry me and I had somehow rebuffed him. I was sad when I came to this realization. Then I lost track of him and was hunting for him everywhere. Eventually I found him. I do not remember what happened after that.

The third strange thing was I was supposed to be graduating from college but I was choosing not to attend the ceremonies. Something about how I did not attend my high school graduation so why attend this ceremony.

I was also worried about how I was going to get around to where I lived. I also wanted to move to some where else but how to get there. This was another reason why I wanted A to be there because he could help me with this.

Another thing about Al-Anon, I felt last night when I talked to my sister, the Amazing Mz. M. I was honest with her about my feelings in dealing with mother. I told her I was not there yet to try to begin a relationship with her. I did not tell her I still feel fear when it comes to interacting with mother. I did tell her that I was able to say prayers for mother's well being and mean it. We also discussed about what C knows since I do not want to bad mouth mother to him since he has a relationship with his grandmother. The Amazing Mz. M told me that she had talked to him about how growing up with mother some bad things occurred between her and me and that is why we do not have a relationship. This makes me feel better but I still do not want to get into it with him about her. Let him have his fond memories and to cherish them.

I found a cute birthday post card to send to the Amazing Mz. M. Once again, I am late in getting her gift into the mail. I will call her tomorrow.

I have had the slider door closed this morning and it seems weird not to hear the blue jays and the hummingbirds. I have not even noticed the hummingbirds at the feeder. I know if I could hear them I would pay a little more attention.

I remember a story about Uncle A when we were living in the Bolsters Mill's house where the parents were having a party. The boys were in the horse pasture playing baseball with horse pucky and the bat was a shovel with a hole in it.

Poor Uncle A was in the barn getting sick. I remember running to mother letting her know what was happening and she said not to worry that he would be all right. I was not so sure but then I was only a little kid.

I remember Dad and mother making maple syrup in the summer kitchen in this house. The sap came from the maple trees on our property. Dad could never figure out why the maple tree down by the road did not produce much sap. The reason was because I was drinking the sap while I waited for the bus.

mz. em
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Currently reading: "Cry Wolf" - Tami Hoag
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