Friday

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"For certain engineering purposes, it is desirable to have as silent a situation as possible. Such a room is called an anechoic chamber . . . a room without echoes. I entered one . . . and hear two sounds . . . the high one was my nervous system in operation, the low one my blood circulation." - John Cage
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In today's world, unless you are in a special place, I do not believe I am without sound. I do agree with John Cage about hearing your nervous and blood systems working. At some point during the night, I recall hearing the beating of my heart. It sounded so strong and regular.

At this moment, I am hearing Michael talking to his laptop. He is not happy with the down load speed or the questions he is being asked. I hear him moan and groan and talk to the lap top as though it was a person.

I heard the whirring of the fan to my lap top. I hear the sound of the keys as I type. Outside, I hear the hummingbirds sing and cars going by on the street. In the very far background I can hear the television in the living room. Michael bumps a bag of recyclables and his mouth noises as he waits impatiently for the lap top to do whatever it is supposed to be doing.

At least we have hookup. The AT&T tech found that the Charter Cable tech had cut all lines when they disconnected their cable service to our apartment. I guess he was hoping we would call them for their service. Not no but hell no! We are contemplating call the Better Business and give them a bad rating because what Charter did. It is so much bullshit.

I am feeling weird this morning. My neck bothered me during the night and still vexes me now. I have had something to eat, taken my medications, and had a cup of coffee. I feel tired.

Tonight I have signed up to give the share to begin the meeting. I am working with "Just for Today." I took each suggestion and put it on a separate piece of paper. The idea being that when I am having a moment, I can draw one of the pieces of paper and use that suggestion to guide me through my issue of the moment.

I am keeping it simple by just using Just for Today, but I can see that I can add the slogans, the triple "Cs," the triple "As" and any other bits of wisdom of the program. I think I will proceed to add the slogans and all the rest over the next few days and use this tool to help me through my rough spots.

The sun has finally come out and it looks like it is going to be a beautiful day. But then, every day living in Los Osos is a wonderful day.

While we were in shopping in Ralph's last night, we ran into a former neighbor and her sister. The former neighbor was being very nosy as to what was my tattoo on my forehead and where were we living. I was evasive as I could be. Michael said I was better about handing out information but I still am not good at not giving information out. Ooooh, I feel that sentence was awkward. Oh well, the neighbor wants me to call her next week. I attempted to bypass that but I do not think I did very well. I was glad to get out of there and away from our former neighbor.

With our shopping last night we have spent the extra money. I have to recalculate my checkbook and I hope I have enough in the L8 to cover everything.

Michael talked with V while I was donating blood yesterday. V was able to push forward our pay date to October. We pay half of the remaining balance and then in November we make the last payment. Then we will be paid up on our insurance until January 2012.

Now we will be one month behind on Verizon. I have small bills to pay with Dr. John, the radiology department and then the pathology clinic. I will need to call them today and let them know I cannot make a payment this month.

With the Internet hookup that will be another bill. I hope we can afford all of this. I do not know if Michael realizes this. We may need to cut other things out as well. Right now I cannot think of what they are.

I am having a hard time writing this morning. Maybe it is because I do not have the radio on and I have Michael in the background talking to the AT&T techs. He is still trying to get the modem to hook up. Although, it will be great when we have access to the Internet, I think I would have said, "Fuck it," and disconnected the whole thing and just used the library's computer.

I know one of the people he talked to, he asked them where they were and he was told they were in India. Wow, to think that someone in India could help him here in America.

I believe I have enough cash left over to do a couple or three loads of laundry. It will be really great to have clean clothes again. Right now I have this really high stack of dirty clothes. The clothes are somewhat sorted in the two laundry baskets. Plus, my clothes are on the floor.

I do not know if I feel yucky because of the blood donation, depression, or something else. I feel overwhelmed. I cannot get started on my day. But, I have started because I took care of Bailey and the birds. I had some breakfast.

I really am having a hard time writing about things. Even with the prompt of writing about sound. I hear pounding in the background from the housing authorities working in H's former apartment.

I think I am going in the other room and read from my inspirational books. This is an area that I have fallen behind in staying daily in my readings. I am not sure why this is. Again, it is overwhelming and I do not feel I have enough time in the day to do all I want to. Actually, I feel I am feeling Michael's frustration with the hookup process.

mz. em

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Currently Reading:
-- "All My Life: A Memoir" - Susan Lucci with Laura Morton
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