Friday

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"Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything." - Aesop
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Thunderstorms had been predicted for last night. Usually, what the meteorologists predict doesn't happen.

Last night was different. It had begun raining in the evening. I went to bed earlier than I usually do because I wasn't feeling all that well and I was tired.

I'm not sure exactly the time but I was shaken out of my sleep by a big kabang. I get up and come into the living room. Michael was up and holding Bailey. Bailey was frightened by the loud noise. Once I determined all was well and it was just the forecasted storm, I went back to bed. It seemed from that time on the booms were less and less or I fell back to sleep.

When I awoke again it was from a stressful busy dream. I really hate these dreams. Once more, I was hunting for something that I once had and now I couldn't find it. This is a common theme for me. I was deeply enmeshed in this dream so it was hard to wake up and I felt off for quite some time afterwards.

Then a part of my life plummets in and I'm thinking about the loss of a long time friend. B and I had been friends since the early 80s. There wasn't anything we didn't talk about. I met him through my then husband as they worked together. At the time I was a hairdresser and so B began to get his hair cut by me.

Then after my divorce, we talked about dating but because he still worked with my ex-husband he didn't feel right about it. This was okay with me and so we stayed friends. B helped me move all over Kansas.

Then when I moved to California, he came out to visit. Still, we stayed friends and B remained my official mover as he assisted me in many moves all over the county. I just don't know how he seemed to always be in the state when I was in the process of moving.

B knew my history; he met all of my boyfriends, all my girlfriends, and my main cat Spike. He saw how I went downhill and then pull myself uphill. He didn't know what to think about me learning how to ride my Harley but in a way, I feel he was living vicariously through me. Coming from the mid-West, he is very conservative; but, every much a gentleman. Doors are opened for me, I do not touch the car door handle, he comes around and assists me out of the car. When he takes you out for the evening, he handles everything. In other words he's one of the good ones.

Anyway, during one of many dramatic moments with me and a qualifier, B had had all he could handle of my situation and he just stopped taking my calls. He wouldn't talk to me or return calls. I was very upset but I can understand. I've sent letters and no reply.

My sister seems to think that he is the type that because there is nothing he can personally do, he removes himself because it hurts too much to be witness to the situation. I can see this in him. And so because of the choices I have made in my life, I no longer have this friendship.

Maybe it was time for it to be done and this is why it has turned out this way. I will never know. All I do know is that I miss my friend.

So the day has moved along. I spent most of the day reading my latest book or napping. I haven't felt very good physically or emotionally. I stayed home tonight instead of going to the meeting. I'll make church on Sunday and then I have plans for the Monday night meeting.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

mz. em

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Currently reading:
-- "The Camel Club" - David Baldacci
-- "The Daily Book of Art: 365 readings that teach, inspire & entertain" - day 169
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