Dispatches from the City of Angels
I'm a writer and humorist living in and writing about Los Angeles. You can catch my novel LOSING CLEMENTINE out March 6 from William Morrow. In the meantime, feel free to poke around. Over at my website you can find even more blog entries than I could fit here, as well as a few other ramblings. Enjoy and come back often.
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Favorite Quotes:
"Taint what a horse looks like, it’s what a horse be." - A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett
"Trying to take it easy after you've finished a manuscript is like trying to take it easy when you have a grease fire on a kitchen stove." - Jan Burke
"Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it." - Mom
"How you do anything is how you do everything."
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Bachin' it
The thing about being married is that while you COULD eat that entire bag of Oreos while watching Jerry Springer re-runs in your underpants, there would be a witness.
My witness is working late.
Let the trashy living commence.
Second best bachelorette food ever? (Nothing beats Oreos.)
1. Dig leftover raw bacon strips out of fridge. Check expiration date. Disregard expiration date. Attempt to tear up into little bacon-y bits. Actually tear up into worm-shaped bacon-y wiggles.
2. Cook. Watch with glee as the pig fat melts into a 'nummy liquid pool.
3. Crack two eggs directly into aforementioned liquid pool. No need to remove the cooked bacon worms first. That's right. Eggs cooked in pig fat. Take that Oreos.
4. Sprinkle entire concoction with cheese. Allow to melt and chemically bond with aforementioned pig fat.
5. Dump cheesy-bacony-eggy lump onto whole wheat tortilla. (Hey, it's WHOLE wheat. Clearly, a health food.)
6. Smear with obscene amount of super-hot black bean salsa.
7. Inhale in less than 2 minutes while watching latest Anna Nicole Smith developments on Entertainment Tonight. Allow pig fat to run down forearm. Chase with half can of Diet Dr Pepper. Burp. Don't apologize.
8. Consider concoction might have been improved with the addition of chocolate syrup. Note this. Husband is working late tomorrow night, too.
My witness is working late.
Let the trashy living commence.
Second best bachelorette food ever? (Nothing beats Oreos.)
1. Dig leftover raw bacon strips out of fridge. Check expiration date. Disregard expiration date. Attempt to tear up into little bacon-y bits. Actually tear up into worm-shaped bacon-y wiggles.
2. Cook. Watch with glee as the pig fat melts into a 'nummy liquid pool.
3. Crack two eggs directly into aforementioned liquid pool. No need to remove the cooked bacon worms first. That's right. Eggs cooked in pig fat. Take that Oreos.
4. Sprinkle entire concoction with cheese. Allow to melt and chemically bond with aforementioned pig fat.
5. Dump cheesy-bacony-eggy lump onto whole wheat tortilla. (Hey, it's WHOLE wheat. Clearly, a health food.)
6. Smear with obscene amount of super-hot black bean salsa.
7. Inhale in less than 2 minutes while watching latest Anna Nicole Smith developments on Entertainment Tonight. Allow pig fat to run down forearm. Chase with half can of Diet Dr Pepper. Burp. Don't apologize.
8. Consider concoction might have been improved with the addition of chocolate syrup. Note this. Husband is working late tomorrow night, too.
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