I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No, no, no

I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you'd do

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid git

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind


Aside from being one of my favorite Beatles songs it is very appropriate. I am so tired I can barely function. My brain is screaming for some kind of relief. Even sleep doesnt do any good. All I hear in my dreams is him saying those things to me. He apologized, but the damage has already been done. I know he said those things because he was upset about having to go court for the house. But what he said was cruel. And if he said those things to me he meant them. On some level or another he meant them. And that is what hurts the most. That he could even have such thoughts about me. I feel so empty inside. Some vital part of me has died. I thought he loved me unconditionaly. Just like I loved him. I have made myself overlook his flaws and except him how he is. I have made myself do the same with my mother. for him. I am reeling. I feel unanchored. I want to find the money to buy enough drugs to obliterate myself for a week. I just cant fucking deal. I am going to have to go on pretending everything is okay just like I always have when its not. Its not and it probobly never will be again. Ah, but what does it matter right? It seems to be my job in life to have these major emotional disasters. And to pick myself up and go on. and on. and on. I will do it now. But there will come a day when I reach my limit. and when I do, I am out. I am done. Just when I think nothing else can be taken away from me, something else is ripped from me. One day it will be too much. Maybe it is this time. Maybe when I get to thinking straight I will know that this was the last time. The final time. That my body and soul cant take anymore. God I hope so. Because I am so tired.