Just a quickie after a very full on day. Grandson's fifteenth birthday, first time it's ever fallen on a school day as it's usually half-term, so YD organised us. Bloke (aka Granddad) picked me up this morning and we drove up to their place, picked up the van, quick detour to drop some computer stuff to someone very close by. She inadvertently upset me by saying, when her (adult) son was being difficult about doing some chores, "It's not all joy being a mother," which, bloody hell, is an inoffensive remark that anyone could make, but hit my spot and made me howl, then flee to the van and do hard, heart-broken sobbing for a few minutes after which it vanished as quickly as it had arrived, leaving me feeling embarrassed and awkward. Then they came out and Bloke said goodbye to her and as I got out of the van to say goodbye I could see that she'd been crying too, so I gave her a hug and we both said sorry and for fuck's sake we hadn't even got to the care home and I was an emotional wreck.

SE we picked up ED, who was a bit overwhelmed by it all. Every time we mentioned GS's birthday she asked how old he was and could not get her head round him being fifteen. I mean, really couldn't, not just a bit surprised at the passage of time like the rest of us.

YD and her beau meanwhile were fighting their way through London traffic, totally fucked, apparently because they were dismantling the Chelsea Flower Show, though why that needs to cause so much chaos, god only knows. It took them four and a half hours to drive 27 miles. So we had to do the supermarket shop, or Bloke did while I took ED to get some jewellery for the wedding. Just a few bangles and a pair of earrings from Boots, then meeting GS from school and back to theirs for tea. GS wouldn't be seen with his mother in front of the other kids from school - he just hung back - I'd forgotten that till now, but as soon as we got in the van he was lovely with her (she'd forgotten again that it was his birthday), asking her what the date was, which she didn't know, but as soon as she was told June 2nd, she knew it was the day she'd given birth, then went all peculiar at the idea of fifteen, again, but he dealt with it beautifully - he was happy she remembered as well as a bit sad for her for forgetting, but he didn't stay there, he stayed in the happy.

YD had started the cake and got straight on with tacos while we rested up for a bit, then SIL's parents came, then Son and it was noisy family all around GS who chatted away, laughing a lot with Bloke and Son, so definitely worth it. ED came and went - she can't listen too much but she likes it when she can. Best thing ever having all my brood together - can't remember the last time, must be two or three years.

It's not great for her, that kind of day - she needs to be eased into things and this came at her out of nowhere, as she forgot having been told about it. I think I'll call the home and ask if they can mention the wedding to her a lot, see if it sticks. She gets very excited when it's mentioned. Less than two weeks.

And my sixtieth birthday is two weeks today and bloody YD suddenly noticed a load of grey hairs! Boo! I wanted to get to sixty without being grey and I just missed it - though to be honest I have pulled out about five single grey hairs that appeared one at a time over the last couple of years, so I was never truly going to make it. Fucking close though.

OK, bedtime.

No, just remembered - YD came home yesterday morning after the ultimatum from her father (see last post), absolutely fine and dandy. "What have you decided?" I asked.
"Oh, I told him last night, he can fuck off." Since then he has called her several times, but she didn't answer. He left an anxious message saying it was a misunderstanding and that of course he'll be there, but she hasn't decided if she can be arsed. She says she probably will - he's her dad, and yes he's a selfish wanker, he always has been. This is not news, and she wants her dad at her wedding and he's her dad. She's a good girl.

Today I am grateful for: my darling children and grandson; Bloke driving all day; my bed which awaits me; getting an email saying my teacher's pension will be delivered on time (woo hoo!); a clear run now, till the wedding - I will be laying low, building up some energy.

Sweet dreams xx