I am unable to console myself today.

So I am going to write my wedding speech, first draft, right here, right now, because I must remember it really isn't all bad and because I only write on here now and have forgotten how to write anywhere else.

So. I'll be up first so I'll start by thanking everyone for coming and welcoming them to the continuing celebrations (of what we are calling wedfest - we've got about twenty tents, a couple of camper vans, a generator, some yurts, a band, a hog roast, a bouncy castle, probably a queue for the toilets - this is a mini festival just with people we like (or at least have got used to not liking). I'll witter on a bit about the day - probably braving the fucking weather, but perhaps it'll be OK so about the idyllic location, blah blah, before I get to the bit where I need to have something prepared, which is the bit about YD. So.

What I admire about her is her wisdom - (hard-gained, really fucking hard-gained - may she have some calm times ahead where she can just live wisely and well instead of having to survive crisis after fucking crisis - obviously I won't be saying this - but this is why the speech is tricky because this is my strongest sense of who she is, mustn't mention mental health, or dead friends or surviving fucked up mothering), so, her wisdom, her playfulness - which is one of the qualities that make her such a good match for the very silly Mr SIL (that needs work - I like silly - it's not stupid, it's creative and playful and a top quality in this tough old world), a great artist and maker, and a magnet for children of all ages, including babies on buses and in supermarket queues who crane their heads around their mothers to grin and play peek-a-boo with her.

That's all I've got now - drifted off there. Will ask GS and MG's son what are their favourite games they've played with her.

Watched this great video about the need for justice - the longest standing ovation ever at a TED talk, though they don't include all of that. He's talking about America and the criminal justice system but it applies here too, in a different way. We're creating the same kind of society here - well, 'they' are. I'm not. The comments are pretty depressing though.

Today I am grateful for: nice time with the baby this afternoon (Sis's second granddaughter), first time I've seen her awake for a couple of months - outrageous - she's very giggly and let's face it, there are few things as joyous as a giggling baby; service wash at the laundrette; a good hard rain shower watering my plants; acupuncture tomorrow; bed now

xxx