Didn't go to ED's as we had extreme weather again, rain and wind, tailend of a hurricane - no good, the concentration and anxiety-quelling would spit me out the other end fit for nothing but a long lie down in front of some proper shit telly, but not going was shit too. Deflated. I was psyched up for it.

It's hard, getting past the intensity of the other weekend, things getting a bit better, feeling a rush of relief and even optimism, then realising I'm kind of back where I was before, but with even less energy and now I'm smoking again.

xxxxx