I'm tucked up on the sofa, in bed, writing on Bloke's little laptop as mine finally died. At what used to be ED's place, still is on paper as she owns it, but it's not her home any more, is it? Don't know what to call it.

I woke up to calm weather and hurricane mind. One of the questions they ask you to find out if you're a bit mental is about your response to plans changing at short notice. This has never bothered me before (Gemini - flexible), beyond a bit of irritation if I'm inconvenienced, but today I discovered what they're on about. Man, I was ready to go yesterday. I'd got a list of what not to forget (even included emptying the bin) and a shopping list, and I was all set. It was a pisser not going, but I knew it was the right decision and not really even a choice. But it fucked my head up to the extent that this morning, when there was nothing to stop me going, the state of my head made me think I was unsafe to drive. Honestly, it's enough to make a person crazy, having a head that can't be relied on. I managed to get a good level of frenzy going before Bloke phoned and pointed out that I needed to see ED, I'd be fine once I got going, so shut up and go.

Which I did, and here I am. I only stayed at the care home with her for a couple of hours because it is hard and after a while, depressing. When I felt the frenzy starting to leap in my throat again, I left her. I'll be back properly at the weekend, but I have to be home on the coast for my acupuncture tomorrow lunchtime so this is just a flying visit.

Made meatballs for the grandson's and son-in-law's dinner, chatted, was a good granny etc.

Sweet dreams xxx