Yesterday Journalscape vanished so I just posted this on d'land. The lack of j'scape agitated me more than I realised, I see now...

Doing a bit better, feeling a bit calmer. Been trying to head on through the things I do to keep myself steady without paying attention to how they're making me feel, just doing it anyway. So, yoga, acupuncture, walking the 6,000 steps, doing the photo-a-day challenge, keeping my head down and my mouth shut and having a valium or so in the afternoon when I feel myself fraying at the edges. I'm not having valium every day as they'll just stop working and then there'll be no place to go, so I didn't have one yesterday and it all got nasty but today I managed better, having told myself I could have one if I needed it, so less pressure and then I didn't.

Remembering that I've just stopped smoking (four weeks today), that my daughter is - well, can't write that word just now, but we know what I mean - and these are things that would make a person lose the plot a bit and actually I'm doing quite well to be able to take the odd good photo, keep going - oh I can't remember what it is I'm meant to feel good about achieving but YD had me convinced yesterday. Still being here, I guess.

Ach, I thought I had better things to write about, but this is what's appeared.

I am trying to hold on, that's all. And writing down the gratitudes is a good thing, as Mel pointed out (I've lost any sense of where to reply to notes these days), because we do all have plenty to be grateful for, including me, and I am, even if I forget that sometimes. Today I am grateful for: the distraction of the photo challenge; finishing yoga and walking back just when the low sun creates beautiful light (sorry, computer being a bastard and won't upload pics); having a warm coat; living by the sea; that nice feeling of waking up on a freezing cold morning, all snuggly and warm under the covers.

See, it wasn't that hard, was it?

xxx