Today's hard. It's Saturday and I'm used to seeing more of him on Saturdays. I'm angry because his huge debts, I'm told, are my huge debts. Also because of a mystery box in the garage, ready for trash, full of needles, used and unused, unopened booze, injectable solution, and God knows what else--I stopped looking.

I can't waste my time thinking about this.

I can't waste my precious time.

Today I bothered his parents, I bothered his friend, I lied to my daughter about where he was, and was short with my kids when consumed by this. The adults I discussed things with care and will be fine. I can't let his monster scare my kids via me.

I have to look at the eBay stuff today; pick up Lloyd at 3:30, which will get me out of the house; and work on my short story for class, which is about a man who falls in love the week before going to his mandatory health scan (by a machine not a doctor--story is in 2030). No-shows will experience shut down of the incubators to their apartments, which is fatal. His results come back in a month--he reads he was never there and that his incubator has been off for a month (Why does the government send a dead man a notice? Because it's the government, stupid. That's not the point anyway.)

I watched a male cardinal out the window when washing dishes, then I saw the female. Now I just saw a couple of blue jays flitting around together....

Last night I saw a factory pipe sending clouds into the dark blue sky, while listening to the Mardi Gras song for the first time--it was love.