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July 14, 2005

To the Editors,

In reporting the most recent Gitmo report exonerating the US military of abuse, I see that the Statesman continues to display its liberal bias by placing these stories on the back page [1] or buried in Section A [2].

This is another example of the liberal 'nanny-state' mentality in which we are protected from inadvertently being exposed to information which might cause alarm or distress.

I believe your 'self-styled realist' readers are capable of reading a front-page article reporting that "forcing someone to wear women's underwear on his head, confronting him with snarling military working dogs and attaching a leash to his chains" or "placing hoods on detainees and sexually humiliating them" [2] are not examples of abuse, no matter how distasteful it might be for us to read of these petty complaints while enjoying our morning coffee.

Patriotic (and thus too busy to read anything other than the front-page) readers might also not realize that this buttresses the position of Our Dear Leader that these minor bumps in the road in our glorious march toward victory are the result of "a small group of thrill-seeking military police officers" [2] at Gitmo, Abu Ghraib and prisons in Afghanistan and elsewhere.

Lastly, by burying these stories, we are deprived of knowing that justice is served in the case of Maj. Gen. Geoffrey Miller (the commander of the prison in Cuba and later creator of operations at Abu Ghraib) when his boss rejected the attempt of rogue (liberal no doubt) investigators who recommended that he be reprimanded [2].

As a bulwark against those who seek to weaken our position as a modern Empire and a defender of the State the press serves a vital role in maintaining the status quo. Instances such as this show the press is coming dangerously close to dereliction of this righteous responsibility and begs the question, "Why do you hate America?"

1. Guantanamo inquiry finds violations, David S. Cloud (New York Times), published in the Austin American-Statesman, July 13, 2005.

2. Gitmo report: 'degrading and abusive treatment' but no torture, Josh White (Washington Post), published in the Austin American-Statesman, July 14, 2005


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This started out as a straightforward l2te until I realized that satire was really the only effective response which didn't require battling the onset of a major depressive episode.

But once I got into the swing of manipulating my perceptions of Reality like so many pieces of Play Dough (tm) I began to see the benefits.

No longer will the gnawing realization that we are rapidly becoming that which we claim to oppose intrude on my peace of mind.

With the exception of certain (currently illegal) drugs, you can't beat this as a viable approach to reaching the (relative) bliss state. (I feel really good right now).

And you can do it in the comfort of your own head without the need to meet icky people to obtain those illegal substances...

Oh to think for how long I've rejected this simple wisdom simply because I was too rigid in my thinking (until now).

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Um, for those who don't know me well (or are easily confused) the above was satire as well.

All Hail to the Thief!