Painful Timing - I started carving out time to write in my normal journal last week. I took a look over here and was pained a little that I'd only written once in 2010. My life is still on the track of becoming more and more Jewish with every passing day, hour, month. So I thought, "I should start writing about this again."

And this weekend, as many of you are already aware, Debbie Friedman (z"l) passed away.

I will directly quote something I posted on Twitter, "today I learned from the web the meaning of: Baruch Dayan HaEmet, and the abbrev. Z"L. Not all learning is joyful. *sad*"

I hadn't lost anyone in my Jewish community before. And my understanding of Debbie Friedman (z"l) was tenuous at best. I didn't know that our synagogue used her version of "Mi Sheberach" in Friday services. I didn't know that some of the other songs I gravitate toward easily when I harmonize without even thinking, these are her songs.

I think the oddest thing about feeling grief and mourning over our loss is that although I didn't grow up knowing and singing her music, several times people have told me my singing reminds them of her. I made up my own "Alph Bet" song long before I'd ever heard of her or heard her version, just because I needed a tune to learn from/with. I made up my own Psalm 23 in college, just to have something to sing myself to sleep. (I even had it sung for me at my wedding, back when I was married. [I'm now divorced.]) I don't even know if she has a Psalm 23 tune in her 19 albums, but I imagine she might have. I just felt like writing music to learn Psalms. Once upon a time I wanted to write my own tune for every Psalm of David. I still might some day, you never know.

I just finished watching the 24+ minute behind the scenes from her website. And I'm weeping as I listen to her tell how she was motivated to give women a voice in song and prayer. I cannot compare to her achievements, but oddly the only post I wrote in 2010 echoes my same worries -- my place as a woman in music and worship.

I feel empty and ignorant and like I've lost a treasure I never had, because I didn't grow up with her music.

Yet, Mi Sheberach was stuck in my head all weekend, and likely will be for years to come.

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Postscript the first: One song that was reported to be hers, in either an article or a twitter remark somewhere, was Shalom Rav... and on further internet double-checking, it seems this song is music composed by Cantor Jeffrey Klepper and Rabbi Dan Freelander.

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Postscript the second: My rabbi just posted to Facebook: As you have likely already heard, Debbie Friedman - who more than anyone is responsible for the outpouring of creative contemporary Jewish music of the last 35 years or so - died early Sunday morning. In her memory, Congregation Shir Chadash will devote our monthly Kol Kolot (All Voices) gathering this Wednesday, January 12, at 7:00 p.m., to her music. Let our voices join in praise and thanksgiving with those of so many American Jews who will be singing her songs with special sweetness in the weeks and months ahead.