I look young. I have always looked way younger than my actual age. So much so, that when I was in junior high school, my mother took me to a doctor for a bone-age test to see if I had some sort of Gary Coleman disease. I don't. I've just always been small and extra young-looking. When I was 19, I looked 14. When I was 14, I looked 10. You get the idea.

Many MANY people have said to me, "You'll be thankful when you're older." "It's WONDERFUL to look younger than you are." "What a lucky husband you have."

Yes, yes, that may be.

But they don't have any idea what it's like to be perpetually treated like a child. Here's just one instance: my family and I were out to eat one night --my step-brother and I were both in junior high-- when the waitress handed him a menu and asked if I was old enough to know how to read.

When I was 7 years old, neighbor kids would pick me up and carry me around like a baby, solely because I LOOKED like a baby.

I was passed over for lead roles in camp and school plays because someone who looked 8 couldn't possibly play a femme fatale in her late teens.

I've been carded ever since I turned legal - for drinking, voting, and even driving. Even buying goddamn lottery tickets! And that was just a few months ago, no joke! 31 years old, and I was asked if I had turned 18 yet.

I'm sure that when I turn 50, I'll be happy to be mistaken for a graduate student. But as a 30 year old who looks half that, it's very hard to be taken seriously.

Of course, it would be great if I worked in porn.