So I’m a mutant. I come from a long line of mutants, too. Unfortunately, my mutant qualities don’t provide me with any special powers. All they provide me with are baby teeth.

Yup, I’m 31 years old, and I just had one baby tooth extracted and have two remaining. And there are no adult teeth behind them, so I’m going to need implants to fill in the spaces.

And, my baby teeth aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, either. I’ve been to three dentists, and they’ve all told me that my roots are strong and the teeth are generally healthy, so I should just wait until they eventually fall out. I only got this one yanked because it was bothering me (and it was stumpy-looking).

My mother still had a baby tooth, I think, until a few years ago. (Her mouth is full of bridges and caps. Looks like a gold mine in there.) And my grandmother’s sister had baby teeth until the day she died at 87 years old. I’m descended from evolutionary freaks.

Right now, I have a temporary tooth, or “flipper”, taking the place of my extracted baby tooth. It’s essentially a bite plate with a fake tooth attached. (Actually, it’s two small fake teeth instead of one big fake tooth. Not sure why the dentist decided to go that route, but I’m going to get a single tooth for the implant.)

If you’ve ever had orthodontia, you’ll understand the extreme discomfort I’m in, since the bite place is held in place by wires and pressure. If you’ve never had the fun of having braces, try pushing on your teeth like you’re trying to move them, then multiply that feeling by 1000. It’s hard to talk with a bite plate, and I have a huge lisp and can’t pronounce certain words at all, like “six”. It comes out like “xthixth”. Hey, I look like I’m 14, now I can sound that way, too!

Besides having no adult teeth behind the remaining baby teeth, I’m also missing my wisdom teeth. They just never formed, never existed. Which is a good thing, I guess, because my mouth is already royally fucked up bite-wise, and having even more teeth to deal with would probably deform my jaw. Either that, or I’d have had to have them extracted anyway, like almost everyone else I know. (chumps)

So I’m a mutant. I’m really disappointed being such an ineffectual mutant. At the very least, I should have limited telekinesis or something. Maybe not the ability to teleport or create metal armor at will, but something. I’m always cold, so why can’t I have ice powers? Hell, I’d settle for 20/20 eyesight!

Anyone know where I can find a radioactive spider?