I've had "female issues" for 8 days now, and none of the medication my stupid doctor has prescribed is working.

Honestly, I just want to rip out my crotch and throw it in the Hudson River.

And I feel bad for my husband, because I know he worries about me, but I can't stop bitching about it. Cos, you know, ow.

So, in honor of how much I hate being a woman right now, I am going to list all the terms I can think of for a woman's private parts. After the obvious two, I started going in alphabetical order, but then I gave up. Here goes:

Vagina
Vag
Bush
Clam
Cooze
Cooch
Coochie coo
Cooter
Crotch
Cunt
Cunny
Pussy
Kitty
Chatte (French for "female cat")
Twat
Furburger
The Y
Carpet
Hot tuna
Tuna town
Tuna taco
Pink taco
Cha cha
Hoochie
Snatch
Snizz
Flange
Minge
Axe wound
Hole
Mound
Toothless mouth
Love canal
Muff
Poontang

If there are any I've forgotten, please let me know. I'd like a complete list so I can continue to curse it out until it gets better. Thanks.