This weekend, seriously, there will be pictures. But in the meantime, here's ten things I learned in Mexico.

1. Birds in Australia sound like small children being killed; Mexican birds have sweet songs.

2. You should always tell the lady what day you want the avocadoes for. (It even works in Kentucky.)

3. If you order "queso pay" based on the deduction that it's on the part of the menu with some breakfasty things and are thinking sweet roll, what you will actually receive is a lovely, creamy piece of cheesecake. At 9 a.m.

4. The best way to bargain is to be indecisive. The price lowers until you can't help but decide.

5. In San Miguel de Allende to call someone cute it is perfectly acceptable to use the term "que mono" -- which translates literally into something like how much like a monkey you are.

6. When someone does something clumsy, you should shout out "Emilio!"

7. Pirate DVDs are really, really of unwatchably low quality, even the ones from Oscar screeners. (Not that I'd know from experience or anything.)

8. Verbal communication with your massage therapist is overrated.

9. There are way more kinds of cactus than we think about. They are all cool.

10. Always say yes to champagne. (wink)

earworm: "Deportee," Concrete Blonde with Los Illegales

rec: monkeys!

namecheck: Justine & Scott