There's a trial going on in the small town where I grew up where the county clerk of the town (allegedly) killed a woman accusing him of sexual harassment a couple of days before a court date on her claims. Her ex-lover, a woman, had to take the stand today (after her father, an ex-felon called "Poodle," came into the courtroom yesterday and presented a note allegedly from a doctor saying that she was depressed and suicidal and shouldn't be forced to testify -- the judge didn't buy it). She said she couldn't have killed the woman in question because:

Randi Marcum also testified that she was so sick the day Audrey Marcum was murdered that she didn't even go outside her home.

"I was getting ready to have a hysterectomy, and I was laying flat on my back that day," she said. "I was drunk. I was drinking because the pain was so severe."

You can't make this stuff up, people.