I was appalled this morning by a brief local piece I heard on NPR radio. Appalled, not so much by the content of the piece, which was a typical story about the local education system, but by all the euphemistic weasel-words used by the subject of the interview.

The interviewee talked a lot about the “at risk” kids. We all know what that means, right? At risk, presumably, of things like teen pregnancy, drug use, dropping out of school, gang activity, crime, and generally heading down the wrong path of life. It is politically correct doublespeak. “At risk” seems to be a term that was invented to allow the speaker to talk freely about a group of people that might be awkward to name. It would be politically incorrect to talk about the troubles of, say, inner-city black kids, so they talk about “at risk” kids instead, or kids “falling through the cracks,” since those terms do not imply race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, location, or anything else that might tell us who the real subject of the discussion is. But most people know.

But that's not the euphemism that really clenched my bowels. No, the winner in this interview was inappropriate problem-solving skills. What do you think that means? Poor math training? Fuzzy logic? The inability to determine where the trains will crash if one leaves point A at 100 miles an hour on the same track as another train starting 100 miles away at point B at 50 miles an hour?

No, this person used the term inappropriate problem-solving skills to refer to fighting and domestic violence. You see, Little Johnny didn't beat up his teacher because he's a thug; he just has inappropriate problem-solving skills. So, I guess it's the school system's fault, then, for not giving him appropriate skills to solve his problems. Yeah, nice spin, lady.

Makes me want to puke. I mean, um, disgorge previously ingested repast.